The First Ever Published Experts From the Chapter One of The Waldo J. Cartridge Book

All right, I admit, I tried to publish all 65 pages on Wikipedia before. I decided it was a bad idea.

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“What’s your name, young man?”
“I’m Waldo Cartridge, but I get Woody a lot.”
This was actually the truth. I mean, I can’t lie here, I had a certain tendency for lying about my name. All right, all right, I can’t fool you guys. I like to say my name is Matt Damon and a do a little voice for myself there. But hell, I’m here for an interview, I gotta stay clean.

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And so I’m in my apartment’s little first floor fast food. I got myself a lobster roll and it is mighty fine. Ummmm...lobster works for me pretty well. I like the way the juice drips down your chin...ohhh...lobster. And I’m enjoying myself. You know, maybe Reel-Brothers wasn’t the one for me. I mean, everything happens for a reason, which is always a good thing. I guess god just wanted me to screw up again. Or at least, that’s the way it seems. It always ends up in the toilet. Hell, maybe I’m the only one man enough to look into zoo-keeping as a living anyway, but I’m certainly the only one I know who got elephant-no it was rhino-crap all over my new suit.

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And now look what we have, the whole time I’m wasting good snazzy ones on bearded and apron-ed first floor fast food folks, my damn blackberry’s ringing. Now that is a great invention. The blackberry. Man, oh man, do I love my blackberry. I believe it was invented by some hefty Turkish guy. Yeah, that’s right, I read that in a magazine on the toilet waiting at the barbers. (Damn, that sentence had a lot of prepositions, I’m getting slow here.) And, in a matter of speaking, excuse me, manner of speaking, I told you guys I was getting slow, I’m fricen’ addicted to it. That’s right, the big revelation, the confession of the year, I am an addict. But if you knew your blackberry, you’d be an addict too, I swear on the holy blackberry. Seriously, the thing don’t let you go. Blackberry anonymous, that would be a great club. Maybe I should try that on out as a get rich quick scheme.


All for now. Maybe some more later.