Well, as if I had spoken too soon, the Code is up to no good. And this time, there's reason to celebrate.
The critics hated the Code. And here I was, this poor guy with liberal media conspiracy theories up to his eyebrows, figuring of course they'll like it, they hate Jesus.
But as the Code unfolds, as this pic from Google Images clearly illustrates, things turned out quite differently. It was a bad movie. No matter what it said, who it hated (Jesus), who was in it (Hanks), it was still a bad movie. Hence the equation:
Tom Hanks+Ron HowardxDan Brown-Jesus=A BAD MOVIE!
Come on you guys. This isn't Calculus. A movies website recently posted reviews at 6% good. OUCH! And yes, it did get some good reviews. Roger Ebert and Richard Roeper liked it. The New York Daily Post liked it. Let me jog some memories.
Roger Ebert. Yeah, that's that fat guy who sits on the sofa and does nothing. The guy who danced on the grave of Gene Siskiel.
Richard Roeper. Yeah, I know him, that's that guy who sits next to Roger Ebert. He said that every American over the age of 12 should see Farenhiet 9/11 in theaters.
The New York Daily Post. Oh yeah, this is my favorite part. These are the bozos who back in 2004 said that The Passion of the Christ was anti-semetic. They started the whole thing. This paper! I swear! You can tell they really do hate Jesus.
Next matter of business. Ian McKellen, a favorite actor of mine who happens to be openly gay, has let me down. Ian got mad at Catholics because of our requests for a "fiction disclaimer" at the beginning of the film, and called for a fiction disclaimer at the beginning of the bible. He just successfully poured a middle eastern country worth of oil on an already heated fire.
THE WON'T LET ME PUT ON ANY MORE PICTURES AGAIN! NOOOOO!
Oh well, I'll finish it now.
Next business: Albinos. An albino culture group got mad at the code. They claimed that there's too many evil albinos in movies, from that guy in the jail in Princess Bride to the dreadlocked freaky twins in Matrix Reloaded. So it's not just Catholics...I also want to raise another point, this time involving our fine friend Ian. Maybe the code is anti-gay. They cast a gay person as the bad guy...WHOOPS! I just spoiled the end for everyone at home! Oh well. No point in reading the book now.
Next business: Leonardo. Just a thought, but does anyone else realize that Dan Brown made a mistake in the title of his book? Any Italian or art scholar knows "da Vinci" is not Leonardo's name but the town he is from. It's like calling me "of California." Da Vinci means "of Vinci."
Next business: The Box Office. The Code is hurting here too! X3 has already made more. Code brought home an astounding 77 million on opening weekend, the thirteenth most ever. But X has a record-breaking 120, warping the Memorial Day record and a total FOURTH on the all-time list. Not bad you guys. And even after Singer left as director.
6 comments:
You know Waldo, you have every right to disagree with the theme of the movie. But it is very wrong to forbid other people to see it, which is what your beloved pope is doing. If you don't want to see it, thats perfefecly fine. But personally, I'm interested in the excellent acting of Tom Hanks and the wonderful directing of Ron Howard telling Dan Brown's intriguing story. But hey Waldo, whatever floats your boat.
Unlike you Waldo, I have actually seen the movie, and I'd like to say that it is very interesting and raises some good points. Don't speak too soon my friend... go see if for yourself.
How can you say it's a bad movie or a poorly written novel unless you've seen/read it? The whole story is about the evidence proving its point, so to say it has no evidence is completely false. But I guess I can't expect otherwise from someone who's not familiar with the book/movie.
Reading about it doesn't educate you enough. Only actually reading it will do that. I don't respect the opinion of anybody who doesn't even know what they are talking about.
See the movie or read the book and then complain about it. If you don't want to contribute money to those making it, buy tickets to Over the Hedge and sneak into the Da Vinci Code. That's a good way to rebel against the film makers you hate so much without taking profits from the theatre. Consider it pal, consider it.
Catholics are peaceful people who should be able to handle people questioning their religion. People are entitled to their opinion. I'm not sayng Muslims aren't peaceful, but but as you pointed out, many seem to be a little sensitive to people questioning their God. If Dan Brown's ideas are really so ridiculous, you should not get so angry with them. Laugh it off and forget about it.
You wanna know what I think Waldo? I think deep down, you think that these accusations might be true. You don't want them to be true, but you can't help but think that maybe Mr. Brown has a point. The evidence is quite convincing, but you wouldn't know that because you haven't even read the book or seen the movie.
If you're really so peacful... perhaps you should refrain from saying things such as "Dan Brown is Satan," and "I hate Tom Hanks because he's in the Da Vinci Code." You also said that you wanted to start a rumor that Brown's next book was about Mohammad so you could "take care of Dan Brown." Just calm down Waldo. You don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.
In fairness, I'll go into detail about what occured, because Waldo seems to have a brain cramp.
I asked Waldo, "why do you hate Tom Hanks?" He replied, "because he's in the Da Vinci Code." He never actually said the word "hate," but based on my question it was implied.
Waldo, you know what you said, and I know what you said, and that's all that matters. You can tell the world that you're not that angry, but what you know deep down is what counts.
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