The Time 100

This may well be a tad overdue, but as a loyal reader of Time Magazine, it is my duty to analyze their choices.

This year, I was dissapointed. Al Gore, Al Franken, come on, these are just lists of Al's that they like. While last year's list was refreshingly un-celeb dominated, I'm afraid that just isn't the case. Both Best Actress Winner Reese Witherspoon and Best Actor Winner Phillip Seymour Hoffman are on the list, Will Smith is on the list, Puff Daddy is on the list. Or whatever his name is now.

The worst was Dane Cook. He's not funny. At all. Really. Dane Cook is not FUNNY! He lacks the distinctive and unique voices of his comedian peers. Sienfield's whine, George Carlin's high-guy vibe, Paul Giamatti's nosebleed, Owen Wilson's surfer boy. Ben Stiller's geek, Ellen DeGeneres's man-woman, Jack Lemmon's oldness. In place of all these amusing dialects, Cook sounds like he has this cold, this perpetual, never-lifting cold, this cold that goes down and kills your throat, makes millions of audiences hold their necks. And whatever happened to the whole "100 people who shape our world" garbage? Who's world has Cook shaped? How many people in Africa have been influenced by him? How many souls has he touched? ZIPPO!

The one exception that I am really proud of is the inclusion of United Arab Emirates Vice-President, Dubai guy Shiek Mo. Mo's the man. He's been building incredible skyscrapers, man made islands in the shape of the world, and now Earth's tallest building. Under the momentum of Mo, Dubai is now home to one whole THIRD of the world's construction cranes. Thanks Mo. You've turned my new home into a gigantic, adult playground. I think it's fair to say he's certainly accomplished a lot more than Dane Cook.