The Best and Worst of 2006

As the perceptive film critic I am, I can already predict the Best and Worst films of 2006, a year less than half over. But it's more than predictions. I read the buzz, I know the stories, I can probably already pick for 2007. You don't believe me? Listen up, you soon will.





Let's start with the worst. Did anyone guess? yeah, that's right, The Da Vinci Code. The most anti-Catholic and evil book ever written is about to become the most anti-Catholic and evil film ever made, except possibly Syriana. Publishers, you are lucky George Clooney never wrote a book.




For one thing, the film is sorely mis-cast. Tom Hanks falling in love with Audrey Tatou? That's more than just wrong. I'm pretty sure it's illegal.





Tom Hanks looking like a little rat.


Ha ha. I can so make fun of any picture of this film on IMDB! Too bad I can't paste to this site.
Another dumb thing about this movie is the plot. While it does well pretending to be legitamate, the story is hopelessly incorrect. Opus Dei, I'm pretty sure involves no monks, murders, or mortification. It doesn't even involve priests! HELLO MR. DAN BROWN? Opus Dei is for lay people, in other words, married non-clerical Catholics. And Tom Hanks's character is a joke. Professor of symbols? Who the hell do you think you're kidding? Symbols? There's no such thing as a professor of symbols. And that hair cut is even worse.



Oh, come on Tom. Give Audrey a little space.





E-NOUGH!










Oh my gosh, if I have to look at that hair cut again, I am going to throw up.



The film basically works around the idea of Tom Hanks bumbling around Europe, ruining the world one Catholic Church at a time. This is all while trying to deciper a puzzle. We look back to that first picture of him and just need to tell Tom, "Stop playing with your games Tommy. They said no to Toy Story Three."

Tom Hanks about to take a crap on the roof of the Louvre Museum in Paris






Whoops. I ran out of room on my blog. They aren't letting me paste any more pictures on here. Dang, I was just heating up. To be continued....