James Blonde

This is the second post in a day: a first for the Waldo Files. Or at least, the first that I remember. I just felt that there were two really important stories that I needed to give to the world. Is there anything wrong with that? Good! Here we go:

I saw Casino Royale. Very nice film. Daniel Craig had his first outing as James Bond, and did pretty good. He got to ride this delicious Aston Martin on my right, and emerged from the waves in a skin-tight blue speedo. Very sexy. And what's more, there were ladies watching. Do the math. 007+ladies=...let's not go there.

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The picture was pretty good, especially compared to recent Bond adventures. Even a sexy Irish 007 couldn't keep Halle Berry and invisible cars from destroying everything! Daniel Craig's cars are very visible. They are also very sexy. The creepy Euro baddie was as bad as creepy Euro guys get, and that whole inhaler/bloody eyes business was as sinister as Ernst Stravos Blofeld's pet kitty. Daniel was a pretty swell pick for the role, although Ewan McGregor got the first offer. The Scottish actor politely declined. He suggested that the role would link to his career, and possibly set him up for typecasting in the future. Here's what I don't understand: if he's so scared of these things, why on earth did he do Star Wars? The six-part saga is at least as silly and cheesy as 007! And come on, 007 is actually sexy. That's one thing going for you. Alec Guinness may have made Ben Kenobi sexy, but Ewan? No sir.

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Daniel really brought sexy back. He fit pretty well into the tailored tux, Aston Martins and over-welming ego. Craig gave us Bond as a man of few words, but as one who enjoys a good kill. Very nice. While his acting was certainly there, the only thing lacking was the presence. It was hard to feel like we were watching James Bond. My solution? Blast Monty Norman's James Bond theme the whole way! That would certainly get the point across. No better way to tell us he's Bond than to stick the guy in front of that magic music for three and a half hours. The only time we actually felt used to his Bond-ness was the final frames when he gives us the sign-off: Bond, James Bond. Then they play the Monty Norman music.

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They did a good job setting us up for a new series. Bond just got his license to kill, and M turned out to be Judi Dench back then too! Maybe she died, turned into Bernard Lee, and then came back to life again. One really clever move: remaking CIA buddy Felix Lighter into an African-American. Felix's coolest appearance yet.

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That's all for today. Make sure to stick 007 comments on this post, and Snoop Doggy Dogg comments on the previous one.