Updates: My Life

Enough about entertainment for a second, let's hear about something everyone wants to know about...ME! My life. I have a few good things to say, so listen up.




(Book about someone else's life.)

HAIRCUT

I got a new haircut yesterday. Say goodbye to those sexy red locks, I'm riding short! I got it at Dick's Barbership, the greatest barber shop this side of the equator. My sideburns are gone. No more Dan Ayrord look-aliking. But I do look a tad bit like a soldier, and that's always a good thing. I've always heard women like men in uniform...is the hair part of the uniform? It's also recently been decided that my hair is much better than Bobby M! My hair rules!

ABU DHABI

It's exactly a week now until I depart for Abu Dhabi. En route, I'll stop in Boston, Amsterdam, and Ireland, where my ancestry hails from. You see, I have lots of Irish Pride. I got the red locks and the green ties and sweaters. My great-grandmother's house is the hot spot in the city of Dublin, mostly because my great-grandmother lives there. I'm sure it will be an excellent visit and I'll get back on track to Abu Dhabi right away. Since it's such an excellent route, I decided to make this map in "Microsoft Paint." It kind of reminds me of those Indiana Jones movies.

Came out a little fuzzy. Oh well.

CAMP

I'm now the conseller at a kids camp! Yes!

MOVIES

I saw Nacho Libre the other day and had mixed feelings. While I thought it was a good film, I think it's definitely worth waiting to see on video. Jack Black was back, and much as expected, the best scenes in the film where when he did some singing.

Speaking of waiting to see on video, I rented Kung Fu Hustle last night, which was definitely worth it. A hilarious movie with tons of laughs and tons of action, Hustle stars and is directed by young filmmaker Stephen Chow, who has some pretty wierd ideas about what's normal and what's not. I saw the film with long time friend Zhou Ling Chen, of Orient Under Warrant: The Blog. Zhou is a scholar of Chinese culture and literature and was deeply moved by some of the zen and buddhism present in the film. I highly recommend Kung Fu Hustle to any of you out there who like laughing and seeing people with axes getting their ass kicked. Excellent!

Honorary Achievement Awards

First I'm going to start us off with a couple Honorary Achievement Awards which don't require voting. So sit back and enjoy the achievement.

GOOD SAMARITAN

The first award for Good Citizenship goes to Ken Jennings of Jeopardy fame. Jennings won over 2 million dollars on the show, the biggest winner in Jeopardy history, including Sean Connery. But it wasn't the amount that earned Ken this award, it was what he did with it. Ken Tithed. What do you do every week after earning a beefy paycheck? Tithe. What is your obligation to the church? Tithing. What is the age-old custom that has long gone out of style? Tithing. It is true, there are few in Hollywood anymore that tithe. But this book-smart geek straight from Normalland USA gave 10% of his jackpot to his own Mormon Church. Wow, Ken! That's over $200,000! A well earned good citizen award, given to a man who knows no greed.

THE BEST FILM OF 2005

In 2004 I saw 9 films in theaters. In 2005 I only saw 2. So I have to admit, I'm not qualified to name nominees I haven't seen. So I might as well go ahead and just give it to Narnia.

For those of you who haven't seen the film, it's about four young siblings who find a way into a magical parallel universe, where beavers talk and Jesus goes by the name of "Aslan." Battling against never-ending snowstorms and evil witches, the family must help Aslan restore good to Narnia.

Narnia is also known for it's parallels to mythology, the bible, and the World War II it's set in, and works on multiple levels. It's based on the series of books written by scholar C.S. Lewis. (Which I also highly recommend.) Good reviews and hardcore fans boosted the film to immediate success. However, it was snubbed at the Oscars in favor of gay cowboy flicks!

Since Hollywood big macs refuse to give cred where it's due, it is my responsibility as Chairman of The Waldo Awards to ensure it wins at least something. Now I just have to get my nephew a role in the sequels...

Congratulations to both winners!

Waldo Awards Season

Yes, it's that time of year again. Time for more...WALDO AWARDS! The most prized prize in Hollywood, many respect the true honor that the Waldo is. Only those who truely achieved have succeeded with the Waldo. Only the real gifted, those who mean something, those who are something. Those who are great. And those are few. So sit back, and be ready to vote. Rememer, Waldo Awards are chosen from a select panel of judges that may include Edgar Smorrison, JVarn, Zhou Ling Chen, Antonio Frederick Worthington, R. Guns, Fidel Giamatti, Josef Guttenhiemer, and maybe even Big Lee. So be ready to comment. We need you to choose the best. Only the best. WALDO WANTS YOU!

CELEBRATE!

I know Blogspot didn't allow me any pictures last post, so it was most certainly a long and difficult read. This post is a picture follow-up, so make sure you read about my easy and expected victory first. Deal?

PERSECUTION:

LIES:

HYPOCRISY:

THE GUARDIAN OF TRUTH AND JUSTICE IN THE GALAXY:

Okay, okay, so I beat Booby M. But come on, did anyone think I wouldn't?
Yeah, I made that myself. Don't I deserve a bit of fun?

An Easy And Expected Victory? It Was Still Fun Anyway.

Well, your host has won yet another arguement, this one not too intellectually stimulating. It was more of a bye than a win. I defeated "Booby M" (real name Bobby, nickname Booby) of Big Lee's blog on a one-sided debate about the Leonardo Code. So one sided in fact, that some people though the Church hired him to make Dan Brown look like an idiot. It was compared to this man, Jack Bauer, beating a terrorist without a nametag to a pulp. I won with an incredible margin of FACTS to NO FACTS and KNOWLEDGE to NO KNOWLEDGE and STRAIGHTFOWARDNESS to HYPOCRISY. This is all coming from Booby, a man who thought man never landed on the moon, Tupac is still alive, and Dane Cook is funny. Look at some of these bad boy facts:

Dead Sea Scrolls were early Christian documents:WRONG! They never even mentioned the name of Jesus. They were written by Jews.

Leonardo belonged to the Priory of Sion:WRONG! The Priory of Sion began in France in 1956.

Da Vinci was Leonardo's name:WRONG! It means of Vinci, the town he was born in.

Opus Dei has monks:WRONG! It's for lay people.

Jesus's works were recorded by thousands of followers:WRONG! He didn't even have thousands of followers, let alone literate ones.

Jesus wasn't devine until the Council of Nicea:WRONG! Writings about Jesus mentioned him as God from the early fourth century at latest.

Dead Sea Scrolls were found in the 1950s:WRONG! They were found in 1947.

Mary Magdelene was in the House of Benjamin:WRONG! And even if she was, this still wouldn't make her a descendant of David, or royal at all.

And that wasn't all. I also crushed him with a list of Dan Brown like persecution.

Jesus Christ, Church founder: Was scourged and crucified by the Romans just for preaching peace.

St Peter, first Pope: Was crucified upside down in Rome just for preaching Jesus's message.

St. Paul, Doctor of the Church: Was beheaded in Rome by the government, they wanted to crucify him but could not because he was a Roman citizen. Such a cruel and sadistic punishment was not allowed for other countrymen.

St. Stephen, first martyr: Was stoned to death by the Jewish Pharisees, just for following Jesus.

St. Bartholomew, Apostale: Skinned alive by the Armenians for teaching about Jesus.

All of the Apostales were martyred (killed) in cruel and unusual ways except St. John. John was attempted to be killed by being burned in a pot of boiling liquid but miraculously survived.

St. Maximillion Kolbe: Gased to death in the Houlocaust at a Nazi Concentration Camp. He just visited the prisoners to pray with them, but volunteered his own life in place of a Jewish family.

St. Joan Of Arc: Burned to the stake because she claimed an angel had visited her.

These are just some examples of what people like Dan Brown have tried to do to our church, but have all failed. They can kill us, persecute us, and torture us, but they cannot change what we believe. It is interesting to note that in a church constantly persecuted, martyrdom is the ultimate honor.

Meanwhile, Booby didn't respond to my comments, never read any non-fictional material, and claimed victory TWICE before I even had a chance to comment! Ah! And I thought Dan Brown was an annoying, uninformed pain in the ass!

He also didn't know what a fact was. He said dates were opinions! And he didn't know what hypocrisy was either. I gave him some examples.

"You say one thing, and you do another. For example, saying that I need a history lesson.You also said that you believed in what the Da Vinci Code says, then said that it was too ridiculous to believe. Or it might have been the other way around. It has changed several times.You said I had a closed mind, and have never consulted a source other than the Da Vinci Code.You said I needed to be more tolerant, and insulted 2 billion people just because of what they believe.You said that Dan Brown got his facts straight, then said the Code was too ridiculous to believe, then said that dates were opinion.Who's keeping track here? Well, I said you were a hypacrit, then proved it with fact."

Wowie! I'm sorry you all have to hear this. For more please read the comments on my and big lee's blog. And yes, I'm actually telling you it's okay to go there! I'm sure you won't fall for anything!

So yes, I'm sorry I put you through all this, and yes, there is a moral. While silly persecuters come up with ridiculus arguements and claim victory after being wrong, it's just how Jesus predicted. He said that we would be the most persecuted religion ever, and we are. Can you imagine if Dan Brown wrote a book insulting the Jews, Muslims, or any other church? We're the safest target for angry people like Booby. And that just might be a good thing. While he persecutes us, he doesn't realize he can never win. Martyrdom is the highest honor in our church. We can always win. It's kind of interesting, but I find his weak and ridiculous arguements have made me all the better for it. Not only do I enjoy giving him a solid thrashing, but in a church where martyrdom is honored and persecution is guarenteed, I think it's helping me out. So persecute all you want. Do your worst (it's not that bad anyway). I'll win in the end, and I'll be all the stronger for it.

PEACE TO ALL THE WORLD, AND I PRAY FOR FREEDOM FROM PERSECUTION FOR ALL! WE WILL ALWAYS WIN. FOR ALL PEOPLE OF ALL CULTURES, RACES, AND RELIGIONS, FACTS ARE FACTS AND THEY ARE THE SAME FOR EVERYONE! PERSECUTION IS PERSECUTION, WHICH IS ALSO THE SAME FOR EVERYONE! AND KNOWING THAT, WE WILL ALWAYS WIN!

Nerd Squad-6-9-2006

We have a few things to take care of this afternoon. Four, if I count correctly. We'll deal with them in an orderly, quick and clean manner. Shall we?

6/6/06!

I bet thousands of bloggers posted about the fact that the date was 666 the other day, and I pride my originality so won't spend too long. Think about it this way: historians think that our yearly calender was screwed up. They think Jesus was born in around 6BC. So this isn't really '06, or at least according to Jesus. Also, Caeser changed our months and days, so that isn't really 6/6 either. Use this as a chance to brush up on your bible. Read the book of the Apocalypse, written by St. John the Evangelist before even his Gospel was written. None of this Code nonsense. Read the real deal. I did.

The picture is of St. Michael the Archangel throwing Satan into the fires of hell, which St. John saw when transported into the future. This is when the antichrist comes, traditionally bearing the number 666 as his symbol. Don't worry. We win in the end.

The next matter of business is something else that thousands must have blogged about: the murder of this man. Abu Musab al-Zarqari, al-Queda leader in Iraq, and a man just as wanted as Osama bin Laden. The price on both heads was the same: $25 Million. Al-Zarqawi was believed to have personally beheaded at least two American hostages, as pictured behind one of the masks above. You can see him without the mask to the left. It is my belief that al-Zarqawi was the most evil man in the world, much worse than any other terrorist in recent years. He killed hundreds of innocent people in a discrimination-based insurgency. And he did it all in the name of God. What an amazing breakthrough to have this devil of a man taken care of. Sent to a much worse place where he can find out what it's like to have men in masks cut your head off on live TV. Say high to St. Michael for me, Abu.

We have even more good news this afternoon, happy to welcome two new bloggers! Not one, but two. My old friend I met on vacation, Zhou Ling Chen, has set up a mystery of a blog, which is honorable at it's worst. Look for Zhou in the links list, or at www.orientunderwarrant.blogspot.com.

And last but not least comes my friend from Church and Golf, JVarn, J-Vizzle to pals, and one smoke of a freestyle rapper. Look for him in the links list or at and appropriate www.jvarn.blogspot.com.

Good luck to both new additions to the blogging community!

The Hair in Wallace and Gromit

I just added a new DVD to my collection this morning, a fun filled flick fest featuring all three classic Wallace and Gromit shorts. This includes "The Wrong Trousers," "A Grand Day Out," and "A Close Shave."

We all know that W&G is great because it matches up Gromit with worthy opponents in a WWE style head-to-head, (and also because it is hilarious, high quality filmmaking) but there are other reasons.









Grom v. Feathers.

This brings us back to a recurring Waldo theme:

HAIR

Hair makes the world go round. There's definitely a HARE in the new film, The Curse of The Were-Rabbit, but there is also HAIR. (Haha...get it?) While Wallace has none and Gromit has fleas, check out the sweet clay locks on these bad boys:

Lord Victor Quartermaine: Anyone would be a fool to hair-off verse this king of cool. Only problem?: He cheats. We all know Vixta' wears a false tupee, and is really as bald as Wallace, or even my Uncle Robby.

The true nature of Vixta's Hair is unmasked.

Since Blogspot often does not like to cooperate and leaves me stiffed for pics, I am renaming this post: The Hair in Wallace and Gromit-Installment I. This way there will be plenty of room for more later.