Some Very Special News

RAMADAN

It's the holy month of Ramadan, the celebration of the revelation of the Quaran from the angel Gabriel to the Prophet Mohammed. This also means fasting from sunrise to sunset for all Muslims. Even non-Muslim Arabs are expected to refrain from eating outside the home, so people like me can rule out a fast food stop or sip of water anywhere a fasting Muslim might be. This is really quite the sacrifice, partially because Arabic food is so delicious.

Ramadan also means shorter work and school days here in the UAE.


INTERNET
I'm now connected to the world wide web!

More posts!

More comments!

More Waldo J. Cartridge!

This also means that the Waldo Awards will be resumed before long. I apologise for the hiatus (look it up), it seems as though I hadn't timed them wisely. But now that I'm all settled in, I can resume coverage of more trivial matters. I'll also warn you all to look out for Waldo in the acting awards...all 61 of my lines will be uttered with perfection.

Everyone should also notice the addition of "Joe's Place", a new blog on my sidebar. Joe is happy to join the blog world and we should all be appreciative of his well-timed coming.

24

Speaking of trivial matters, I've now finished all four previous seasons of 24. That's 96 episodes. This has led to an even more intense inpatience for Season 6. It looks like it's going to be the best ever. James Cromwell has recently been cast as Jack's father!

11:59:59,...11:59:58,...11:59:59,...

12:00:00.

The Blog War

There was a blog war! Although I wasn't involved much, I did read about it, and was disgusted at the level of anger and betrayal displayed by those I left as good friends. The war was started by Michard, but the one I feel most sorry for was Josef D. Guttenhiemer, who was under constant attack by his so-called "friends." You should all be ashamed of yourselves. I've been involved in blog conflicts before, don't get me wrong. But those were about ideas. These attacks were personal and cruel. I maintain the belief that you were all wrong. Wrong to fight, wrong in principle, and wrong to backstab eachother, waiting but two months after I left.

*Michard, you were wrong to start this war in the first place.

*Big Lee, you were wrong in your personal attacks. This displayed a lack of character.

*Chambers, you were wrong to give up so easily. You stooped down to Big Lee's level. You also surrendered without putting up a fight.

*Scanman, you were wrong because you never posted.

And so now I look to JVarn and Paul of Paul's Rants. The three of us were never involved in this savage fight. Can we find it in ourselves to forgive? Will we be able to pave the path of peace and let this behind our backs? I hope the answer is yes, for I fear there is more to come. In fact, Big Lee has already got mad at Chambers again, just because I called him first.

And so now there is only one answer for peace. And that is me. I, Waldo J. Cartridge, take it upon myself to maintain peace and happiness in the blog world. Why? Because my blog is the best. I threaten retalliation on whoever tries to start another war. And trust me, you won't be able to come back after what I throw at you.


WHY WALDO?

In the opinion of just about everyone from the blog ring, my blog is the best. Let's take a look at why.

-Mine is the oldest, the first blog in the blog ring.

-I have mastered the technical issues, including comment titles and links lists.

-I have the most posts. (I think.)

-I have by far the most profile views. (Over 1000.)

-I have the most interesting post material.

-I have been updating without even having access to the internet. Some bloggers with this luxury don't post anyway.

So if the other bloggers I know desire peace as much as I do, we will all put this behind ourselves and look to the blogging future. It's about time we refocus our gaze and care more about the larger world than ourselves.

Now that the war is over, I still have a few questions. Where was Paul of Paul's Rants during all of this? What was the "atomic bomb" that ended the war? Maybe I will find the answers, maybe not. Either way, it's about time to take a break and appreciate peace.

-Waldo J. Cartridge

My Illest Party

I was a guest at the illest party ever at the ambassador's place the other night. Jamie Foxx, Jason Bateman, Chris Cooper, and Jeremey Piven, who are all over here filming the new movie The Kingdom, were also invited. Since there were only about 70 guests, I got to meet them all. Here's some thoughts.

JAMIE FOXX: Academy Award winner for Ray, Jamie Foxx isn't exactly one of my favorite actors. The other night, my opinion of him didn't really change.

Armed with six or seven bodyguards, Jamie is one of those paranoid cowards who make the US look bad over here. He has two taste-testers. TWO! What kind of self-respecting terrorists would waste their time trying to kill Jamie Foxx anyway? They've never even heard of him.

He was more of a unit than a man, arriving late with full retinue. His girlfriend, Coffee, and he made for the back of the party as soon as they could, followed by a mob of guests wherever they went. They weren't very friendly and spent the afternoon playing chess. A kid approached one of the guards and the dialouge went something like this:

"So you guard Jamie in the states too?"
"Yes."
"Did anyone ever attack him and you needed to brush him up or something?"
"I can't talk to you, I'm sorry, I'm working right now."

Working? All he has to do is wear sunglasses. After the crowd quieted down, I approached the Foxx myself. I smoothly slipped up to the game and said, "I'll play winner." Jamie didn't get it. He just shook his head and said "no. No." I then told him I was only joking an d said I'd wanted to meet him. I shook his hand and told him my name. It was only for a fleeting moment. No pictures, no autographs. I wouldn't say I really got to know Jamie. The other guys, I did get to talk to.

Jason Bateman: Star of Arrested Developement, Jason Bateman is a familiar face for Television buffs. He came to the party like everyone else. No security, no taste testers. If I didn't know his face I would have thought he was just another guest. Jason spent most of his time at the soda table, from which he must have grabed about seven huge cups of Coca-Cola. The rest of the time he was in some long in-depth conversation with another guest. I got one of them.

I approached Jason pretty quickly after he arrived, but came back for more later. I told him my name, shook his hand, and went on to ask for advice for my role in the play. Hey, this guy gets paid to act, he must have some good stuff. He asks me what I want advice on, the acting or the poker. I said I was pretty much set on the game, I am a pretty lucky guy. Jason suggested I should write my lines on the cards and just read them off on stage. I was outraged. What if I picked up the wrong card? They are getting shuffled by the other cast members. What if when Oscar was talking about how he was inviting the girls up for the night I read my line at the end of the first act: "If you need anything, call me." That would be bad. Very bad.

That's when who looked like Jason's date told me I reminded her of him. Pretty cool, huh?

Chris Cooper: Chris Cooper, another Oscar winner, is one of those guys who everyone knows but not everyone remembers his name. I'll try to refresh your memories. He was the dad in October Sky, the horse trainer in Seabiscuit, and Conclin in The Bourne Identity. He's also starred in The Patriot, Jarhead, Syriana, and many other movies.

Chris spent most of the time under the shade looking at the pool, and just like Jason blended in very well. I got to talk to him for a long time too, and he encouraged me in my pursuits in Hollywood. A very classy guy.

Jeremy Piven: Jeremy Piven, a recent Emmy winner stood out not by his guards, but the way he looked. A real slick character, I remember Jeremy from his role as the gay clothes salesman in Rush Hour 2. He's also appeared in Old School, Cars, and many other movies. I got to talk to Jeremy for a while as well, but unlike Chris and Jason, he actually gave me serious advice about the play. Jeremy suggested a very natural aproach to playing my character. I was glad for the help. My brother Robby asked him who the best actor he ever worked with was. He told us about Will Ferrell, Robert De Niro, Al Pacino and many others.

Overall, my night chilling with Jamie, Jason, Chris, and Jeremy was pretty cool. Jennifer Garner is also in the movie, (as Chambers pointed out) but finished all of her filming in Arizona. Most of the movie was filmed there and the filmmakers only plan to stay in Abu Dhabi for about a week. I'm glad to post about my experiances with the actors, and hope many other future posts can be about similar topics.

The Post

I've been getting some comments. People want me to post. I don't know when I'll be getting the internet, so it took me a while. So long in fact, that Chambers is giving me death threats. I've been living in the Middle East for three months and the only death threat I get is from Chambers. Shame.

I've decided that since this may be my only post for some time, it might as well be good. I've decided not to post about things either everyone knows about or that noone cares about. For example, I won't post about the fact that Steve Irwin is dead or that I got a new haircut or that I've watched about 87 hours of 24.

I need to answer some questions. Chambers asks: "did you go to the [Burj Al Arab]?"

Answer: Yes. I've been to Dubai twice, and visited both the Burj Al Arab and the waterpark right next door. I stayed in the Jumeriah Emirates Towers, another famous hotel. (above).

I landed a role in Neil Simon's The Odd Couple, as one of Felix and Oscar's good friends, Roy. Should be pretty good stuff.

Speaking of acting, tonight I'm set to meet a very famous someone, who's over here filming his new movie, The Kingdom. Look it up on IMDB and see who it is. I'll post if I get to talk to him. Chances look pretty good that I'll get to exchange at least some smalltalk. He'll be at a party I'm attending tonight.

I hope to post again soon.

45 Posts, 5 Emmys, and 1000 Views

It's time to celebrate a great victory in Hollywood for 24, which won five of the 12 Emmys it was nominated for including Best Drama and Lead Actor.

(Kiefer Sutherland collects his award)

This has been the fifth year for both nominations, but also the first victory. Being in Abu Dhabi at my new home, the Emmys were not available, but I did watch the third season of 24. Three down, one to go. 72 hours since I got to Abu Dhabi. 72! That's three seasons! I just finished Season 3 last night.

My channel box came one day late. One day! Reading about it in the paper, the night sounded unmissable. Conan O'Brien pasting himself in 24 scenes. Two of my favorite things: Irish redheaded Catholic people and 24, all in one. If anyone knows, I'd like to hear which scenes he did.

The only dissapointment was Steve Carrell losing to Monk. The Office is the absolute funniest show on TV, largely due to Carrell and co-star Rainn Wilson. Shame they didn't come home with gold.

BLOG NEWS

1,000 VIEWS!


I'm finally able to celebrate my thousanth profile view, which has been a long time coming. Waldo joins the 1000 club! I won't be expecting any new members soon. That means you Bobby M! But hey, maybe you could surprise me. The more the merrier.

More Astonishing Blog News

Wally...the name itself reminds us of the UK, the things that hold up the ceilings, and that weird guy on Leave it to Beaver. It only lasted a short time, but it was good. Now it's time to move on.

Why, you ask? The main reason that I changed back to Waldo was that I need everyone to know that I am in fact named Waldo, rather than some silly gimic based on a kid's book. I don't want any strangers to think I'm just a phsycho. I'm really Waldo. I also want everyone to know that this change has nothing to do with Michard, although I do thank you for your suggestions. For anyone who's paying attention, my favorite book is still "Where's Wally?" and will remain so as a kind or painful reminder.

The other blog news is a new feature on the links list. I was made known to the fact that Michard is posting again, and within seconds his link was a healthy new addition to my sidebar.

I apologize about the lack of picures on my latest two posts. I'm posting from a Mac, so give me a break!

-Waldo

WALLY!

Why, great scot! I've changed my name to Wally!

Blog News

Everyone needs to know that the "Happy Birthday, Abu Yahya" post was pulled because Abu Yahya didn't want anyone to know how old he is. For those of you who don't want to accept this, vent your anger. Blame it on the FCC or Censorship or something like that.

LEARN SOME ARABIC
For those you feeling adventurous and who just love learning, try looking up what "Abu Yahya" means in Arabic.

BLOG CLOCK UNDERGOES A REVOLUTIONARY CHANGE!
My blog has overcome its jet lag as it officially changes from Pacific US time to Dubai/United Arab Emirates time. This means all of your comments as well as my posts will display a clock nine or ten hours ahead of when it actually happened! As you celebrate the greatest blog event since foundation of blogs, eat some cake or something. I, however, am on a diet.

On the subject of blog jet lag, one might ask about me. Don't worry. I never get jet lag.

Now for some even more astonishing blog news!






WHERE'S...WALLY?!
When corousing a bookstore in Dublin, I was knocked off my feet by a remarkable truth. Waldo books in Ireland and the UK are called Wally books. Don't believe me? Here's the proof.




Ha ha! Gotcha now. Last time you don't believe me, huh? It only gets better.









Not only is Wally different in the UK, he's also completely cool!





There was also a terrorist plot uncovered recently in the UK. Sounds like a diehard "Waldo" fan to me.

Too Much To Say

I'm back online. I've been living here in Abu Dhabi for almost a month, but was unable to use the internet due to budget problems. There is way too much to say.

IRELAND

Ireland was a great time, I visited my great-grandmother in Dublin as well as my cousin in the town of Clifden in Connemarra, Galway. We drove across the country in a rental VW Bus, just like the one Edgar Smorrison lives in or the one in Cars. (I need to see that movie.) There was lots of Guinness and I only threw up once.

As an Irish person, a trip to Ireland is very meaningful and exciting. I've previously on this blog expressed a taste for Irish women. Did I check them out? Some of them. Did they check me out? All of them. I was also glad to catch up with my family. I have to recommend Kingston House Bed and Breakfast for all tourists to Clifden. I can possibly put up more of my own pictures in the future.


ABU DHABI

Abu Dhabi is a wonderful place with a rich culture and great experiances. It's completely modern, but still has hints of the ancient peoples who live here. It's a place where the east meets the west, where the new meets the old. I can still enjoy malls and swimming pools and bowling and movie theaters, which I do. The only problem is the heat. It is much much hotter here than any American could possibly even imagine. The air conditioning is thankfully top-rate. The sun is directly above this part of the world, so there's never even a cloud in the sky. The humidity is also unbearable.

I'm actually posting from Dubai. It's a very interesting city. The Wild Wadi waterpark was a real treat, and the Burj Al Arab hotel is as cool as cool. I can get free internet from the Dubai School of Government. It's only about an hour away from Abu Dhabi.

ITALY WON THE WORLD CUP

Yay! I watched some of the matches and was rooting for Italy.

MOVIES

King Kong, Benchwarmers, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest, High Anxiety, Season 1 of 24. I saw a lot since I last posted. Kong was good but way too long and inconsistant. Jack Black's worst performance to date. Benchwarmers? Funny but not really a great movie. Perfect for airplanes. I saw Pirates here at the movie theater in the Abu Dhabi Mall. I was really impressed. Even better than the first one. High Anxiety is a Mel Brooks movie about Hitchcock and is really boring. I saw the whole first season of 24, which I rented from the US Embassy in Abu Dhabi. It's a great season, lots of twists and lots of action. The absolute coolest character is George Mason.

MIDDLE EAST CRISIS

There's a crisis going on here in the Middle East. Luckily I'm completely out of the way, Abu Dhabi is a long distance from Beirut. We'll all keep on praying for the victims and hoping for peace.

WALDO AWARDS

Going on hold for right now. I can say this much: The blogging MVP right now is JVarn. He's proved the be a dedicated and thoughtfull poster. JaGuns is the latest addition to my links list. She's my sister, although I know her password and wrote half of her posts.

I'm happy to be back online and look foward to posting soon! Goodbye from the Middle East!

Life Update

I'm writing from the Hampton Inn, so I want to keep it short. Basically, tomorrow I'm leaving for Ireland. Check my profile to see where I'm currently living. I haven't posted all week, as I've been living in Holiday Inn and Hampton Inn. I'm sorry to leave the Waldo Awards at a standstill, but I won't have internet for the first couple weeks in Abu Dhabi, or in Ireland. I do plan to update with many pictures when I can. The camp was great, I directed and acted in the skit presented to the children's parents. It was quite an honor. Ironically, my acting part was as the director. I know it is not normal for me to leave my blog for so long, but my life is going through a lively couple weeks. As is my hair.

-Waldo J. Cartridge, celebrating my 40th post.

Updates: My Life

Enough about entertainment for a second, let's hear about something everyone wants to know about...ME! My life. I have a few good things to say, so listen up.




(Book about someone else's life.)

HAIRCUT

I got a new haircut yesterday. Say goodbye to those sexy red locks, I'm riding short! I got it at Dick's Barbership, the greatest barber shop this side of the equator. My sideburns are gone. No more Dan Ayrord look-aliking. But I do look a tad bit like a soldier, and that's always a good thing. I've always heard women like men in uniform...is the hair part of the uniform? It's also recently been decided that my hair is much better than Bobby M! My hair rules!

ABU DHABI

It's exactly a week now until I depart for Abu Dhabi. En route, I'll stop in Boston, Amsterdam, and Ireland, where my ancestry hails from. You see, I have lots of Irish Pride. I got the red locks and the green ties and sweaters. My great-grandmother's house is the hot spot in the city of Dublin, mostly because my great-grandmother lives there. I'm sure it will be an excellent visit and I'll get back on track to Abu Dhabi right away. Since it's such an excellent route, I decided to make this map in "Microsoft Paint." It kind of reminds me of those Indiana Jones movies.

Came out a little fuzzy. Oh well.

CAMP

I'm now the conseller at a kids camp! Yes!

MOVIES

I saw Nacho Libre the other day and had mixed feelings. While I thought it was a good film, I think it's definitely worth waiting to see on video. Jack Black was back, and much as expected, the best scenes in the film where when he did some singing.

Speaking of waiting to see on video, I rented Kung Fu Hustle last night, which was definitely worth it. A hilarious movie with tons of laughs and tons of action, Hustle stars and is directed by young filmmaker Stephen Chow, who has some pretty wierd ideas about what's normal and what's not. I saw the film with long time friend Zhou Ling Chen, of Orient Under Warrant: The Blog. Zhou is a scholar of Chinese culture and literature and was deeply moved by some of the zen and buddhism present in the film. I highly recommend Kung Fu Hustle to any of you out there who like laughing and seeing people with axes getting their ass kicked. Excellent!

Honorary Achievement Awards

First I'm going to start us off with a couple Honorary Achievement Awards which don't require voting. So sit back and enjoy the achievement.

GOOD SAMARITAN

The first award for Good Citizenship goes to Ken Jennings of Jeopardy fame. Jennings won over 2 million dollars on the show, the biggest winner in Jeopardy history, including Sean Connery. But it wasn't the amount that earned Ken this award, it was what he did with it. Ken Tithed. What do you do every week after earning a beefy paycheck? Tithe. What is your obligation to the church? Tithing. What is the age-old custom that has long gone out of style? Tithing. It is true, there are few in Hollywood anymore that tithe. But this book-smart geek straight from Normalland USA gave 10% of his jackpot to his own Mormon Church. Wow, Ken! That's over $200,000! A well earned good citizen award, given to a man who knows no greed.

THE BEST FILM OF 2005

In 2004 I saw 9 films in theaters. In 2005 I only saw 2. So I have to admit, I'm not qualified to name nominees I haven't seen. So I might as well go ahead and just give it to Narnia.

For those of you who haven't seen the film, it's about four young siblings who find a way into a magical parallel universe, where beavers talk and Jesus goes by the name of "Aslan." Battling against never-ending snowstorms and evil witches, the family must help Aslan restore good to Narnia.

Narnia is also known for it's parallels to mythology, the bible, and the World War II it's set in, and works on multiple levels. It's based on the series of books written by scholar C.S. Lewis. (Which I also highly recommend.) Good reviews and hardcore fans boosted the film to immediate success. However, it was snubbed at the Oscars in favor of gay cowboy flicks!

Since Hollywood big macs refuse to give cred where it's due, it is my responsibility as Chairman of The Waldo Awards to ensure it wins at least something. Now I just have to get my nephew a role in the sequels...

Congratulations to both winners!

Waldo Awards Season

Yes, it's that time of year again. Time for more...WALDO AWARDS! The most prized prize in Hollywood, many respect the true honor that the Waldo is. Only those who truely achieved have succeeded with the Waldo. Only the real gifted, those who mean something, those who are something. Those who are great. And those are few. So sit back, and be ready to vote. Rememer, Waldo Awards are chosen from a select panel of judges that may include Edgar Smorrison, JVarn, Zhou Ling Chen, Antonio Frederick Worthington, R. Guns, Fidel Giamatti, Josef Guttenhiemer, and maybe even Big Lee. So be ready to comment. We need you to choose the best. Only the best. WALDO WANTS YOU!

CELEBRATE!

I know Blogspot didn't allow me any pictures last post, so it was most certainly a long and difficult read. This post is a picture follow-up, so make sure you read about my easy and expected victory first. Deal?

PERSECUTION:

LIES:

HYPOCRISY:

THE GUARDIAN OF TRUTH AND JUSTICE IN THE GALAXY:

Okay, okay, so I beat Booby M. But come on, did anyone think I wouldn't?
Yeah, I made that myself. Don't I deserve a bit of fun?

An Easy And Expected Victory? It Was Still Fun Anyway.

Well, your host has won yet another arguement, this one not too intellectually stimulating. It was more of a bye than a win. I defeated "Booby M" (real name Bobby, nickname Booby) of Big Lee's blog on a one-sided debate about the Leonardo Code. So one sided in fact, that some people though the Church hired him to make Dan Brown look like an idiot. It was compared to this man, Jack Bauer, beating a terrorist without a nametag to a pulp. I won with an incredible margin of FACTS to NO FACTS and KNOWLEDGE to NO KNOWLEDGE and STRAIGHTFOWARDNESS to HYPOCRISY. This is all coming from Booby, a man who thought man never landed on the moon, Tupac is still alive, and Dane Cook is funny. Look at some of these bad boy facts:

Dead Sea Scrolls were early Christian documents:WRONG! They never even mentioned the name of Jesus. They were written by Jews.

Leonardo belonged to the Priory of Sion:WRONG! The Priory of Sion began in France in 1956.

Da Vinci was Leonardo's name:WRONG! It means of Vinci, the town he was born in.

Opus Dei has monks:WRONG! It's for lay people.

Jesus's works were recorded by thousands of followers:WRONG! He didn't even have thousands of followers, let alone literate ones.

Jesus wasn't devine until the Council of Nicea:WRONG! Writings about Jesus mentioned him as God from the early fourth century at latest.

Dead Sea Scrolls were found in the 1950s:WRONG! They were found in 1947.

Mary Magdelene was in the House of Benjamin:WRONG! And even if she was, this still wouldn't make her a descendant of David, or royal at all.

And that wasn't all. I also crushed him with a list of Dan Brown like persecution.

Jesus Christ, Church founder: Was scourged and crucified by the Romans just for preaching peace.

St Peter, first Pope: Was crucified upside down in Rome just for preaching Jesus's message.

St. Paul, Doctor of the Church: Was beheaded in Rome by the government, they wanted to crucify him but could not because he was a Roman citizen. Such a cruel and sadistic punishment was not allowed for other countrymen.

St. Stephen, first martyr: Was stoned to death by the Jewish Pharisees, just for following Jesus.

St. Bartholomew, Apostale: Skinned alive by the Armenians for teaching about Jesus.

All of the Apostales were martyred (killed) in cruel and unusual ways except St. John. John was attempted to be killed by being burned in a pot of boiling liquid but miraculously survived.

St. Maximillion Kolbe: Gased to death in the Houlocaust at a Nazi Concentration Camp. He just visited the prisoners to pray with them, but volunteered his own life in place of a Jewish family.

St. Joan Of Arc: Burned to the stake because she claimed an angel had visited her.

These are just some examples of what people like Dan Brown have tried to do to our church, but have all failed. They can kill us, persecute us, and torture us, but they cannot change what we believe. It is interesting to note that in a church constantly persecuted, martyrdom is the ultimate honor.

Meanwhile, Booby didn't respond to my comments, never read any non-fictional material, and claimed victory TWICE before I even had a chance to comment! Ah! And I thought Dan Brown was an annoying, uninformed pain in the ass!

He also didn't know what a fact was. He said dates were opinions! And he didn't know what hypocrisy was either. I gave him some examples.

"You say one thing, and you do another. For example, saying that I need a history lesson.You also said that you believed in what the Da Vinci Code says, then said that it was too ridiculous to believe. Or it might have been the other way around. It has changed several times.You said I had a closed mind, and have never consulted a source other than the Da Vinci Code.You said I needed to be more tolerant, and insulted 2 billion people just because of what they believe.You said that Dan Brown got his facts straight, then said the Code was too ridiculous to believe, then said that dates were opinion.Who's keeping track here? Well, I said you were a hypacrit, then proved it with fact."

Wowie! I'm sorry you all have to hear this. For more please read the comments on my and big lee's blog. And yes, I'm actually telling you it's okay to go there! I'm sure you won't fall for anything!

So yes, I'm sorry I put you through all this, and yes, there is a moral. While silly persecuters come up with ridiculus arguements and claim victory after being wrong, it's just how Jesus predicted. He said that we would be the most persecuted religion ever, and we are. Can you imagine if Dan Brown wrote a book insulting the Jews, Muslims, or any other church? We're the safest target for angry people like Booby. And that just might be a good thing. While he persecutes us, he doesn't realize he can never win. Martyrdom is the highest honor in our church. We can always win. It's kind of interesting, but I find his weak and ridiculous arguements have made me all the better for it. Not only do I enjoy giving him a solid thrashing, but in a church where martyrdom is honored and persecution is guarenteed, I think it's helping me out. So persecute all you want. Do your worst (it's not that bad anyway). I'll win in the end, and I'll be all the stronger for it.

PEACE TO ALL THE WORLD, AND I PRAY FOR FREEDOM FROM PERSECUTION FOR ALL! WE WILL ALWAYS WIN. FOR ALL PEOPLE OF ALL CULTURES, RACES, AND RELIGIONS, FACTS ARE FACTS AND THEY ARE THE SAME FOR EVERYONE! PERSECUTION IS PERSECUTION, WHICH IS ALSO THE SAME FOR EVERYONE! AND KNOWING THAT, WE WILL ALWAYS WIN!

Nerd Squad-6-9-2006

We have a few things to take care of this afternoon. Four, if I count correctly. We'll deal with them in an orderly, quick and clean manner. Shall we?

6/6/06!

I bet thousands of bloggers posted about the fact that the date was 666 the other day, and I pride my originality so won't spend too long. Think about it this way: historians think that our yearly calender was screwed up. They think Jesus was born in around 6BC. So this isn't really '06, or at least according to Jesus. Also, Caeser changed our months and days, so that isn't really 6/6 either. Use this as a chance to brush up on your bible. Read the book of the Apocalypse, written by St. John the Evangelist before even his Gospel was written. None of this Code nonsense. Read the real deal. I did.

The picture is of St. Michael the Archangel throwing Satan into the fires of hell, which St. John saw when transported into the future. This is when the antichrist comes, traditionally bearing the number 666 as his symbol. Don't worry. We win in the end.

The next matter of business is something else that thousands must have blogged about: the murder of this man. Abu Musab al-Zarqari, al-Queda leader in Iraq, and a man just as wanted as Osama bin Laden. The price on both heads was the same: $25 Million. Al-Zarqawi was believed to have personally beheaded at least two American hostages, as pictured behind one of the masks above. You can see him without the mask to the left. It is my belief that al-Zarqawi was the most evil man in the world, much worse than any other terrorist in recent years. He killed hundreds of innocent people in a discrimination-based insurgency. And he did it all in the name of God. What an amazing breakthrough to have this devil of a man taken care of. Sent to a much worse place where he can find out what it's like to have men in masks cut your head off on live TV. Say high to St. Michael for me, Abu.

We have even more good news this afternoon, happy to welcome two new bloggers! Not one, but two. My old friend I met on vacation, Zhou Ling Chen, has set up a mystery of a blog, which is honorable at it's worst. Look for Zhou in the links list, or at www.orientunderwarrant.blogspot.com.

And last but not least comes my friend from Church and Golf, JVarn, J-Vizzle to pals, and one smoke of a freestyle rapper. Look for him in the links list or at and appropriate www.jvarn.blogspot.com.

Good luck to both new additions to the blogging community!

The Hair in Wallace and Gromit

I just added a new DVD to my collection this morning, a fun filled flick fest featuring all three classic Wallace and Gromit shorts. This includes "The Wrong Trousers," "A Grand Day Out," and "A Close Shave."

We all know that W&G is great because it matches up Gromit with worthy opponents in a WWE style head-to-head, (and also because it is hilarious, high quality filmmaking) but there are other reasons.









Grom v. Feathers.

This brings us back to a recurring Waldo theme:

HAIR

Hair makes the world go round. There's definitely a HARE in the new film, The Curse of The Were-Rabbit, but there is also HAIR. (Haha...get it?) While Wallace has none and Gromit has fleas, check out the sweet clay locks on these bad boys:

Lord Victor Quartermaine: Anyone would be a fool to hair-off verse this king of cool. Only problem?: He cheats. We all know Vixta' wears a false tupee, and is really as bald as Wallace, or even my Uncle Robby.

The true nature of Vixta's Hair is unmasked.

Since Blogspot often does not like to cooperate and leaves me stiffed for pics, I am renaming this post: The Hair in Wallace and Gromit-Installment I. This way there will be plenty of room for more later.

Rocky Road for The Da Vinci Code

Well, as if I had spoken too soon, the Code is up to no good. And this time, there's reason to celebrate.

The critics hated the Code. And here I was, this poor guy with liberal media conspiracy theories up to his eyebrows, figuring of course they'll like it, they hate Jesus.

But as the Code unfolds, as this pic from Google Images clearly illustrates, things turned out quite differently. It was a bad movie. No matter what it said, who it hated (Jesus), who was in it (Hanks), it was still a bad movie. Hence the equation:

Tom Hanks+Ron HowardxDan Brown-Jesus=A BAD MOVIE!

Come on you guys. This isn't Calculus. A movies website recently posted reviews at 6% good. OUCH! And yes, it did get some good reviews. Roger Ebert and Richard Roeper liked it. The New York Daily Post liked it. Let me jog some memories.

Roger Ebert. Yeah, that's that fat guy who sits on the sofa and does nothing. The guy who danced on the grave of Gene Siskiel.

Richard Roeper. Yeah, I know him, that's that guy who sits next to Roger Ebert. He said that every American over the age of 12 should see Farenhiet 9/11 in theaters.

The New York Daily Post. Oh yeah, this is my favorite part. These are the bozos who back in 2004 said that The Passion of the Christ was anti-semetic. They started the whole thing. This paper! I swear! You can tell they really do hate Jesus.

Next matter of business. Ian McKellen, a favorite actor of mine who happens to be openly gay, has let me down. Ian got mad at Catholics because of our requests for a "fiction disclaimer" at the beginning of the film, and called for a fiction disclaimer at the beginning of the bible. He just successfully poured a middle eastern country worth of oil on an already heated fire.

THE WON'T LET ME PUT ON ANY MORE PICTURES AGAIN! NOOOOO!

Oh well, I'll finish it now.

Next business: Albinos. An albino culture group got mad at the code. They claimed that there's too many evil albinos in movies, from that guy in the jail in Princess Bride to the dreadlocked freaky twins in Matrix Reloaded. So it's not just Catholics...I also want to raise another point, this time involving our fine friend Ian. Maybe the code is anti-gay. They cast a gay person as the bad guy...WHOOPS! I just spoiled the end for everyone at home! Oh well. No point in reading the book now.

Next business: Leonardo. Just a thought, but does anyone else realize that Dan Brown made a mistake in the title of his book? Any Italian or art scholar knows "da Vinci" is not Leonardo's name but the town he is from. It's like calling me "of California." Da Vinci means "of Vinci."

Next business: The Box Office. The Code is hurting here too! X3 has already made more. Code brought home an astounding 77 million on opening weekend, the thirteenth most ever. But X has a record-breaking 120, warping the Memorial Day record and a total FOURTH on the all-time list. Not bad you guys. And even after Singer left as director.

24 Finale

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The 24 Finale was intense this Monday. It marked the death of Vladmir Bierko and Christopher Henderson, two terrorist big macs, all before the first commercial brake. Wow. President Charles Logan was FINALLY arrested, and much to the smiling faces of First Lady Martha Logan and Mike Novick, the good guys won in the end.
Or at least near the end. The ultimate twist of the season happened in its last two minutes, when Jack Bauer was captured by none other than the honorable nation of China. Why would China hate Jack? A relieble Culture that spawned the likes of Tommy Chong and Moa Zendong, I certainly don't see how this happened. Maybe they'll knock some sense into Jack. Either way, they're probably bringing him here:








I'll have to wait until next season to find out what happens. January 2007. Unfortunately for me, I'll be in Abu Dhabi, and may miss the action. I suppose I could always try to position my satalite, and possibly pick up some Jack in the late hours of the night.

Since I borrowed this equation technique from Edgar "Scanman" Morrison, I would like to remind everybody to visi his blog, which can be found in the links list, "sweet spots."

Plagerism

After several recent charges of plagerism on the likes of Big Lee and Fidel Giamatti, I've decided to put myself in the absolute clear. I would like to thank Google Images. Through Google, I was able to post pics from Paul Giamatti, to George Clooney, from 3 Six Mafia, to bad hair, from the Oscar, to Abu Dhabi. Thanks Google guys. We've worked splendidly together. I'm glad to give credit where credit is due.











GOOGLE IMAGES IS ILL YO!

Check out this freestyle rap:

"Google Images is ill, dawg it's in the mix,
That's where I go for my blog, to get my kick ass pics!"