Waldo J. Cartridge-Files from nerd squad

Ireland Cricket Team Shocks at the World Cup

2007-03-19T12:19:00.000+04:00

The Irish cricket team has stunned the world by defeating cricket heavyweight Pakistan in its first year qualifying for the cup in the West Indies.

Ranked 14, team Ireland has overcome all odds in their upset win against Pakistan. The Pakistani team was ranked fourth, have been in the world cup for decades, and have even won a championship, while the Irish team is still fairly new.

Congratulations to Ireland. They won on St. Patrick's Day, and will be celebrating the victory in a pub over some Guinness.

Also, happy St. Patrick's Day to everyone in the United States or Ireland.

1000 Visits

2007-03-04T11:44:00.000+04:00

That's right, I've finally collected 1000 visits since Novmember 2006. I think I may get back into the posting spirit. I would encourage others to do the same.

A Very Sad Day

2007-02-10T18:55:00.000+04:00

Today we mourn the loss of Ian Richardson, one of the greatest television actors of our time. The Englishman was best known for his role as Francis Urquhart. Richardson played the machiavellian chief whip of the British House of Commons in the hugely popular series, House of Cards. We will miss him very much.

The Kingdom Movie Trailer

2007-01-07T17:10:00.000+04:00

The Kingdom is the film that brought Jamie Foxx, Jason Bateman, Chris Cooper, and Jeremy Piven to Abu Dhabi. The first trailer was recently released and now available online.

http://movies.yahoo.com/feature/thekingdom.html

I thought it might be good to post the trailer on here, as I previously posted showing off about the cool actors I met. Now you can see how the movie itself has turned out.

It takes place in Riyahd, where the filmmakers never actually went (but Abu Yayha did) and very little was actually filmed in Abu Dhabi. All the same, it will be fun to pick out the actors I've chilled out with and the parts of the city that made it into the film.

It opens in the US on April 20th.

2007

2007-01-01T00:16:00.000+04:00

I made that myself.

Haha. Hahaha. I have reached 2007 before my readers in America. I gotta tell you, it looks like a pretty good year so far. I drank a whole bottle of champagne. (I didn't really.)

Happy Holidays!

2006-12-31T11:31:00.000+04:00

This is my last post of 2006.

This needs to be special.

Very special.

First, I need to say Happy Holidays to my readers in all corners of the world! I enjoyed a very Merry Christmas here in Abu Dhabi, and hope for a happy new year.

Although there was no snow, I visited Ski Dubai for the first time and was very satisfied by what it had to offer. My family and I were easily the best skiers on the hill. We were blasting down those slopes at speeds the other skiers couldn't even comprehend. Most of the other skiers were visiting from the UK, and had no understanding of the high-speed American sport of skiing. They told me that while there was some skiing in the United Kingdom, "it really isn't all that brilliant," and clearly inferior to that of the States. There are two different ways down the hill: normal and experts. I went down with the experts. The whole thing is pretty strange. With the walls and ceilings, it just seems weird to ski down the slope. After a while, I got used to it, and proved my skill by going 0 to 200 mph in 1.6 seconds. (I made those numbers up)

We've got the cousins from Connecticut visiting us here in Abu Dhabi. They, unlike my fellow bloggers, were not too scared to come here. Our 2006 will be cut short. Because of the time difference, 2006 will be about 8 hours shorter than 2005, as I started it eastern time and am finishing it Abu Dhabi time. What a gip! Oh well. Depending where I am a year from now, I might get a longer 2007 than ever before.

This is the Waldo Files first Christmas. Me and the Waldo Files have been celebrating by listening to Billy Mack's (Bill Nighy's) Christmas tunes and watching excellent Christmas films like Love Actually and Muppet Christmas Carol. I would recommend both. You can find Nighy in the bottom left hand corner. He got famous this summer from playing Davy Jones, but his best performance is clearly in this film. Be sure to watch it.

My Christmas was very nice. I recieved many gifts, and gave lots of...love. While love doesn't cost anything and requires no thought or time to give, it is extremely important and the best gift one can possibly get. I celebrated Christmas at St. Joseph's Church. Maybe I will describe the church in a later post, and maybe I won't. Just wait and see.

So now 2006 is at an end. It's been a great year for blogging: lots of wars, peace, initiatives to save people, initiatives to make movies, happiness, sadness, laughter, crying, and of course, plenty of important and thoughtful opinions bouncing around the internet.

So what will 2007 bring? Who knows. We'll have to wait and see.

Don't Kill Saddam Initiative: Failure

2006-12-30T21:55:00.000+04:00

I regret to inform my loyal readers that the Don't Kill Saddam Initiative has reached mission failure. Not to my surprise, Saddam was hanged early this morning for crimes against Kurds. Don't Kill Saddam Teammates: We have failed.

Although the mission met an overall failure, there were some substantial victories along the way. We have found several allies in our quest to not kill Saddam.

Pope Benedict XVI and his Vatican crew spoke out against the Saddam hanging. They called the execution "tragic" and predicted it would result in only more violence in the Middle East.

Countries such as Italy, Brazil, and Russia also spoke out against the killing.

So even though we've failed in our initiative, at least we know that others have failed too. We've failed together.

Yay!

2006-12-02T19:40:00.000+04:00

Horay! It's December 2nd, UAE National Day. It was thiry-five years ago today that Sheikh Zayed bin Sultan al Nayan founded this wondeful nation. That's Sheikh Zayed himself on the picture I made on paint. (Zayed died in 2004.) There's also an Emirates flag, and that other stuff is supposed to be fireworks and a shinging light. Okay, I admit, it's no masterpiece, but I threw it together at the last minute. And its a good thing I'm getting in on the celebration. All the way down the Corniche, there's locals sitting on top of their cars, revving the engines and shooting off the fireworks. Happy birthday, United Arab Emirates.

(Note: There has been a high concentration of posts this weekend. I'm catching up on recent apathy. Make sure to read anything you haven't seen yet.)

James Blonde

2006-12-01T23:25:00.000+04:00

This is the second post in a day: a first for the Waldo Files. Or at least, the first that I remember. I just felt that there were two really important stories that I needed to give to the world. Is there anything wrong with that? Good! Here we go:

I saw Casino Royale. Very nice film. Daniel Craig had his first outing as James Bond, and did pretty good. He got to ride this delicious Aston Martin on my right, and emerged from the waves in a skin-tight blue speedo. Very sexy. And what's more, there were ladies watching. Do the math. 007+ladies=...let's not go there.

The picture was pretty good, especially compared to recent Bond adventures. Even a sexy Irish 007 couldn't keep Halle Berry and invisible cars from destroying everything! Daniel Craig's cars are very visible. They are also very sexy. The creepy Euro baddie was as bad as creepy Euro guys get, and that whole inhaler/bloody eyes business was as sinister as Ernst Stravos Blofeld's pet kitty. Daniel was a pretty swell pick for the role, although Ewan McGregor got the first offer. The Scottish actor politely declined. He suggested that the role would link to his career, and possibly set him up for typecasting in the future. Here's what I don't understand: if he's so scared of these things, why on earth did he do Star Wars? The six-part saga is at least as silly and cheesy as 007! And come on, 007 is actually sexy. That's one thing going for you. Alec Guinness may have made Ben Kenobi sexy, but Ewan? No sir.

Daniel really brought sexy back. He fit pretty well into the tailored tux, Aston Martins and over-welming ego. Craig gave us Bond as a man of few words, but as one who enjoys a good kill. Very nice. While his acting was certainly there, the only thing lacking was the presence. It was hard to feel like we were watching James Bond. My solution? Blast Monty Norman's James Bond theme the whole way! That would certainly get the point across. No better way to tell us he's Bond than to stick the guy in front of that magic music for three and a half hours. The only time we actually felt used to his Bond-ness was the final frames when he gives us the sign-off: Bond, James Bond. Then they play the Monty Norman music.

They did a good job setting us up for a new series. Bond just got his license to kill, and M turned out to be Judi Dench back then too! Maybe she died, turned into Bernard Lee, and then came back to life again. One really clever move: remaking CIA buddy Felix Lighter into an African-American. Felix's coolest appearance yet.

That's all for today. Make sure to stick 007 comments on this post, and Snoop Doggy Dogg comments on the previous one.

Snoop Doggy Dogg: Busted

2006-12-01T23:19:00.000+04:00

Snoop Doggy Dogg has been arrested for the third time in three months. What's wrong, Snoop? Just tired of losing air time to artists of lesser greatness like Chamillionaire, or possibly lost in a mid-life crisis? Snoop attempted to smuggle a boton on a plane, (always a big no-no), and now he's got charges full of weapons and narcotics. What gives? Snoop is obviously feeling falling victim to his impulses. Or perhaps, displaying what its like to be a TRUE gansta'. Either way, we're all gonna miss you while you're serving time. But remember: to us, you'll always be the one and only, ego-double-g. Do you want some of this? Snoop's bail has been set at $60,000. Together, we, the proud Snoop Doggy Dogg fans, can chip in and send him back to the streets. Just mail a deposit to my house, and I'll organize it and send it back to Snoop.

US Elections

2006-11-12T15:24:00.000+04:00

New Senate:
51 Democrats,
49 Republicans
New House:
230 Democrats,
197 Republicans

Although I'm not exactly fond of Liberals, perhaps a mix-up in Congress may be just what the doctor ordered. A diverse federal government may be the recipe for compromise, working together, and figuring things out.

More news!

The Odd Couple is well on its way. We've already sold out both performances, November 20th and 21st. Look for videos on YouTube. I will be posting them.

Robert and Julia have each returned from their trips to Thailand and Turkey. What fun!

Saddam Hussein: Death Sentence

2006-11-06T22:35:00.000+04:00

As many have probably heard, Saddam Hussein was recently sentenced to death by an Iraqi court (which someone I know helped train). Saddam was obviously a criminal. He fed prisoners to lions and collected their shoes. He gased hundreds of innocent civilians based on ethnic backrounds, and invaded Kuwait in 1991. Saddam was the former dictator of the country Judeism was founded, but ran it as a tight Baathist dictatorship. The United States invaded Iraq in 2003 and the rest is history.

Noone disagrees that Saddam is a crook. Not even him! But here's the snag: the death penalty? Why? We captured him, took away all his dignity, imprisoned him and degraded him to nothing. We occupied his country and set up a new government. Why do we need to kill a man who has nothing left to offer? He has no means of regaining his former status. He has no hope of forgiveness, no chance of escape. What gives a court the right to murder an unarmed man? President Bush refered to the sentence as "a great achievement." If this is why we came into Iraq, I begin to doubt not only our intelligence, but our intentions. This was supposed to be Operation Iraqi Freedom. Why can't we be satisfied by a healthy life sentence?

And the means of murder seem barbaric as well. Saddam is sentenced to be hanged. Hanging is usually seen as a punishment of the past, a page out of Elizabethian England. Many readers may be surprised to know when the last legal hanging took place in the United States: 1996! It's about time to realize that the death penalty itself is a punishment of the past, a violation of John Locke's, Thomas Jefferson's, and even the United States's unalienable rights to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. Nearly every religion preaches against it. (Iraq itself is the birthplace of Monotheism) People disconnect themselves from what's really going on, forget that these are all real people like themselves, people who long to be forgiven, people who face certain death. Readers, do me one small favor: put yourself in the noose. I'm sure you won't like how it feels.

'Then Peter came and said to him, "Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Until seven times?"

'Jesus said to him, "I don't tell you until seven times, but, until seventy times seven."'

Urgent-Upgrade to Blogger Beta!

2006-11-04T19:27:00.000+04:00

I'm just posting to remind EVERYONE to follow in my own and Smorrison's footsteps and upgrade your blogs. One major reason I find this necessary is that now I cannot comment on any blogs that don't allow anonymous comments. It's also much easier to use, and turns a lame blog into an elite forum.

I also want to address Michard's claim that blogging is a waste of time.

Blogging is by no means a waste of time. This is a permanent online journal. A blogger can look back at this any time in his life, which will remind him who he was and what he was thinking when he wrote it. Publishing writing is never a waste of time. Authors of books like the Bible and the Communist Manifesto changed the world by publishing their work. And as proven by the Waldo SiteMeter, people all over the world can and do read these blogs. In only one day since November 2nd, when the meter was installed, I got hits from Foriegn countries like Taiwan, France, and the United States. Cities like Taipei, Illes de Callais, Washington DC, Carleton Michigan, and Waltham Massachusetts. All in just one day! I hope this will convince people like Michard that blogging is an important medium to express oneself.

I would also like to announce that I am officially a contributor to the HFAC Blog. Perhaps Bilal, Ish and John will also get personal blogs and join our blogring.

Waldo The International Hit

2006-11-02T22:32:00.000+04:00

I've recently picked up a SiteMeter, which I encourage readers to visit. It can be found at the bottom of my sidebar. This Meter keeps track of hits, visit, frequencies, and many other things. In my opinion, the most interesting statistic is the country tracker. I've found that only today, (November 2nd) someone from France visited my blog! France! Imagine that. The majority of visits come from the Emirates of course, and I have a few from the U.S. But France really takes the cake. (Haha. Like that Marie Antionnette reference?)

Blogger Beta

2006-11-01T22:04:00.000+04:00

As you may have noticed, the Waldo Files are undergoing a series of changes, as we have switched to Blogger Beta.

-Waldo J. Cartridge

HFAC

2006-11-01T21:31:00.000+04:00

HAFC is the newest chapter in the life of Waldo J. Cartridge. It's the Harrison Ford Appreciation Club, an organization devoted to the appreciation of Harrison Ford. It's not that I'm a huge fan of Ford or his acting, but more that I can appreciate why one would appreciate him, and understand a common study of his meaning to the world and place in society. I've convinved HFAC to start a blog, and now there is one. It can be found in the HFAC section of my sidebar. Although I am an active contributor to the Blog, the new Blogger Beta doesn't allow established blog accounts, so I started a new one under a false name. It might not say "Waldo", but it is still me inside.

24: Day Six-New Trailer

2006-10-25T19:46:00.000+04:00

I'm posting to remind everyone to watch the new trailer for Day 6. It can be found off the 24 link to the right sidebar. Jack's got a great new look for himself-it rather reminds me of some of the people over here. You also get a look at President Wayne Palmer and his new chief of staff Thomas Lennox (played by Peter MacNichol, Bean's host in The Bean Movie.) Chloe, Curtis, Karen Hayes, Bill Buchanan, and Chen Zhi are all back on board, while Graham and the Logans are promised to return. Most of us are waiting for Phillip Bauer, Jack's dad, who's going to be played by James Cromwell, one of my personal favorites. James gained our trust as the simple farmer in Babe, and shocked us all in Blackballs. I've heard that he's also in the remake of The Longest Yard. This is James's second role as a Daddy named Philip this year-he plays Prince Phillip in a film about Lady Di's death. Any way you want to look at it, James will be a fine addition to the splendid Day 6 cast.

My Predictions For Day 6

There's one prediction I recently made that I'd like to share with everyone. It's about Graham-the bluetooth wielding baddy of Day 5. Graham is promised a return, this time with wife and child, Marylin and Josh. My prediction involves the previously unrevealed last name that goes with "Graham." My guess:

Bauer.

I picked up on a few things that might prove to be Day 6's big surprise. Graham's last name was hidden, never revealed, possibly on purpose. Why else would his name be concealed unless we were in for a surprise? Graham also never interacted with anyone save Charles Logan-noone else even knows he exists. But the real clue is what I saw on Day 6's wikipedia. It claims that Josh was previously believed to be Jack's young relation, but is know revealed as Graham's son. Maybe he's both...and James's new character could be the key to unravelling the mystery. I know this pick might be all tosh, but it's definitely something to think about in these long months before January.

Everyone watch the trailer!

Eid Mubarak!

2006-10-23T11:21:00.000+04:00

Os-sallam al-akkum!

Ramadan is over. It is now Eid, the Muslim Christmas-type happiest time of year. No work or school for a week and no more fasting for a whole year.

By now, I've already been in Abu Dhabi far longer than Abu Yahya was in Iraq. What's his measly three months to my three and a half? Gotcha "Abu Yahya!" Who's the best Middle Eastern diplomat now? Huh? Huh? That's what I thought! Fa-sheezi!

Speaking of travel, my brother Robby will be departing for Thailand very shortly. My sister Julia leaves for Turkey next week. I'm expecting a trip to Shanghai sometime this year but I can't count on it.

The James Bond YouTube Video seems to be doing very well. We plan to update it with the continuation of the story. Special thanks to actors Albert, Hugh, and Fareed, they were very willing to be posted on the world wide web.

There's a new blog in the links list...it's RobFashizzle installment 2! This time, he's using his other name, Elihu. (Did anyone know Robby's middle name was Elihu? He's named after a famous ancestor.) Feel free to visit DJ Elihu sometime in the near future. I'd also like to remind you all to visit Joe's Place as well.

Massa il khair!

-Waldo Bin Michael Al Cartridge

2006-10-14T09:55:00.000+04:00

James Bond

Today I found the greatest movie I've ever seen on YouTube.com. I can't wait to share this brilliant piece of filmmaking with everyone in the USA.

Best Director-Results

2006-10-13T12:22:00.000+04:00

And The Waldo Goes To...
Mel Gibson!

Mel Gibson walked away with a Waldo after the online votes hailed him king. Mel won by majority vote, and I was not needed to break a tie. Everything seemed to go pretty smoothly as the first Waldo was awarded last night.

But maybe it was a bit too smooth. For an award given to a man like Mel, there was little intensity or vigor. Some bloggers even refused to vote! Imagine that. I want to make it clear that my nominees will not always be the best choices. That's why write-in votes can be used whenever nessecairy.

I also found it just a tad distressing that the Waldo Awards were plagerized by two bloggers I trusted pretty well. The Waldos are the Waldos. There are no other awards like them. Better than them? Perhaps. But the same? No. That's why I found it odd that Smorrison and Michard's posts seemed so familiar. Maybe in the future we can try harder to think up more original posts.

WALDO'S TAKE

I'm sure some people are wondering, "Hey, what did Waldo think about the results?" Well, even if you weren't wondering, I'm going to answer.

If I could have chosen the winners...

I might have ordered the nominees like this:

1. Orson Welles

2. Alfred Hitchcock

3. David Lean

4. Mel Gibson

However, all of the nominees were fine choices. Even if my desicion would have been different, Mel's win made my lot a lot easier. Gibson was much less difficult to track down than any of the other nominees, considering they've all passed away.

Watch out for the next award!

Waldo Awards-Best Director

2006-10-05T23:14:00.000+04:00

The Waldo Awards kick off to a great start this year, featuring an interactive system: the winner is completely decided by online votes! I'll only vote in case of a tiebreaker, so the rest is up to you.

BEST DIRECTOR

Here's some nominees to get you started on this year's first award. Choose carefully!

ORSON WELLES

Possibly the greatest director of all time, Orson Welles broke all the rules and made all the new ones in his historic film debut, Citizen Kane. Only 25 when he directed Kane, Welles had some trouble living up to his self-set standards. Welles ended up obese, out of the spotlight, and with a pretty funky looking beard. It's hard to judge a career that couldn't live up to its debut...but then again, no other director has ever topped it. Even still, without Orson Welles, modern cinema would be a very, very different thing. It's hard to say he isn't at least Hollywood's greatest innovator to date.

DAVID LEAN

The director of Lawrence of Arabia, Doctor Zhivago, Great Expectation, Passage to India, and Bridge on the River Kwai, David Lean was the giant of film from the 1960s to the 1970s. Boasting Oscar nods to burn and a flare for spectacle, Lean was famous for long, powerful epics and biopics. But his name is also inseparable from that of Alec Guinness. In fact, the Oscar winner (for a Lean film) starred in every one of the films mentioned above. Lean also had the attendency to drag, much of his work lasting above and beyond the four hour mark. The ending of films such as Lawrence seemed abrupt and disappointing. But the films themselves could never disappoint. Entertaining at their worst, Lean's movies will prove to last well beyond the present generation. A taste for long, long epics, working with similar casts and crews, but a tad shabby on the endings. So who's the new age David Lean? Possibly Peter Jackson.

MEL GIBSON

Although he's been caught up in recent controversy for drunken comments, Mel Gibson is undoubtably one of the iconic filmmakers of our time. With 1995's Braveheart he even won media success, earning an Oscar for both Best Picture and Director. And with the unforgettable Passion of the Christ in 2004, Gibson rose to international and even spiritual success. One of the more ambitious projects to date, Gibson filmed the last 12 hours of Jesus's life in Aramaeic, the long forgotten language the Palestinians actually spoke in 33 AD. And now he promises to surprise us all with Apocalypto, an ancient Mexican epic completely in the long lost language of the Mayans. So even if everyone doesn't agree with his strange personal beliefs, there is little doubt Mel Gibson certainly knows what he's doing and how to do it.

ALFRED HITCHCOCK

The name of Alfred Hitchcock, master of suspense, is one nearly synonymous with that of modern cinema. Hitchcock's most memorable films include North By Northwest, Rear Window, Vertigo, The Foriegn Correspondent, and Psycho. A distinct style and artistic taste give Hitchcock the right to call himself the Master of Suspense, and is all the better for the often mesmorized audience. Hitchcock himself made sure to cameo in every single one of his films. Others make sure to watch them all. Although 0 for 5 at the Academy Awards, Hitchcock has earned a name for himself that goes beyond any presented prize. Will the Waldo do more honor for this man than the Oscar ever could?

A NOTE FROM WALDO

I apologise that a picture of Gibson and Hitchcock was unavailable, but Blogspot often limits file size. I now leave the desicion to you...who to choose? If you find these nominees unsuitable, another option is the write-in vote. However, the write-in must pass my veto and recieve at least three votes. Some answers are just unacceptable, such as:

*Steven Spielburg
*George Lucas
*Michael Moore
*Oliver Stone
*John Chambers

These answers will be guarenteed not to pass my veto. I suggest choosing from the nominees, but I want to leave the options open.

Good luck voting!

Some Very Special News

2006-09-30T10:46:00.000+04:00

RAMADAN

It's the holy month of Ramadan, the celebration of the revelation of the Quaran from the angel Gabriel to the Prophet Mohammed. This also means fasting from sunrise to sunset for all Muslims. Even non-Muslim Arabs are expected to refrain from eating outside the home, so people like me can rule out a fast food stop or sip of water anywhere a fasting Muslim might be. This is really quite the sacrifice, partially because Arabic food is so delicious.

Ramadan also means shorter work and school days here in the UAE.

INTERNET
I'm now connected to the world wide web!

More posts!

More comments!

More Waldo J. Cartridge!

This also means that the Waldo Awards will be resumed before long. I apologise for the hiatus (look it up), it seems as though I hadn't timed them wisely. But now that I'm all settled in, I can resume coverage of more trivial matters. I'll also warn you all to look out for Waldo in the acting awards...all 61 of my lines will be uttered with perfection.

Everyone should also notice the addition of "Joe's Place", a new blog on my sidebar. Joe is happy to join the blog world and we should all be appreciative of his well-timed coming.

24

Speaking of trivial matters, I've now finished all four previous seasons of 24. That's 96 episodes. This has led to an even more intense inpatience for Season 6. It looks like it's going to be the best ever. James Cromwell has recently been cast as Jack's father!

11:59:59,...11:59:58,...11:59:59,...

12:00:00.

The Blog War

2006-09-25T14:27:00.000+04:00

There was a blog war! Although I wasn't involved much, I did read about it, and was disgusted at the level of anger and betrayal displayed by those I left as good friends. The war was started by Michard, but the one I feel most sorry for was Josef D. Guttenhiemer, who was under constant attack by his so-called "friends." You should all be ashamed of yourselves. I've been involved in blog conflicts before, don't get me wrong. But those were about ideas. These attacks were personal and cruel. I maintain the belief that you were all wrong. Wrong to fight, wrong in principle, and wrong to backstab eachother, waiting but two months after I left.

*Michard, you were wrong to start this war in the first place.

*Big Lee, you were wrong in your personal attacks. This displayed a lack of character.

*Chambers, you were wrong to give up so easily. You stooped down to Big Lee's level. You also surrendered without putting up a fight.

*Scanman, you were wrong because you never posted.

And so now I look to JVarn and Paul of Paul's Rants. The three of us were never involved in this savage fight. Can we find it in ourselves to forgive? Will we be able to pave the path of peace and let this behind our backs? I hope the answer is yes, for I fear there is more to come. In fact, Big Lee has already got mad at Chambers again, just because I called him first.

And so now there is only one answer for peace. And that is me. I, Waldo J. Cartridge, take it upon myself to maintain peace and happiness in the blog world. Why? Because my blog is the best. I threaten retalliation on whoever tries to start another war. And trust me, you won't be able to come back after what I throw at you.

WHY WALDO?

In the opinion of just about everyone from the blog ring, my blog is the best. Let's take a look at why.

-Mine is the oldest, the first blog in the blog ring.

-I have mastered the technical issues, including comment titles and links lists.

-I have the most posts. (I think.)

-I have by far the most profile views. (Over 1000.)

-I have the most interesting post material.

-I have been updating without even having access to the internet. Some bloggers with this luxury don't post anyway.

So if the other bloggers I know desire peace as much as I do, we will all put this behind ourselves and look to the blogging future. It's about time we refocus our gaze and care more about the larger world than ourselves.

Now that the war is over, I still have a few questions. Where was Paul of Paul's Rants during all of this? What was the "atomic bomb" that ended the war? Maybe I will find the answers, maybe not. Either way, it's about time to take a break and appreciate peace.

-Waldo J. Cartridge

My Illest Party

2006-09-19T15:26:00.000+04:00

I was a guest at the illest party ever at the ambassador's place the other night. Jamie Foxx, Jason Bateman, Chris Cooper, and Jeremey Piven, who are all over here filming the new movie The Kingdom, were also invited. Since there were only about 70 guests, I got to meet them all. Here's some thoughts.

JAMIE FOXX: Academy Award winner for Ray, Jamie Foxx isn't exactly one of my favorite actors. The other night, my opinion of him didn't really change.

Armed with six or seven bodyguards, Jamie is one of those paranoid cowards who make the US look bad over here. He has two taste-testers. TWO! What kind of self-respecting terrorists would waste their time trying to kill Jamie Foxx anyway? They've never even heard of him.

He was more of a unit than a man, arriving late with full retinue. His girlfriend, Coffee, and he made for the back of the party as soon as they could, followed by a mob of guests wherever they went. They weren't very friendly and spent the afternoon playing chess. A kid approached one of the guards and the dialouge went something like this:

"So you guard Jamie in the states too?"
"Yes."
"Did anyone ever attack him and you needed to brush him up or something?"
"I can't talk to you, I'm sorry, I'm working right now."

Working? All he has to do is wear sunglasses. After the crowd quieted down, I approached the Foxx myself. I smoothly slipped up to the game and said, "I'll play winner." Jamie didn't get it. He just shook his head and said "no. No." I then told him I was only joking an d said I'd wanted to meet him. I shook his hand and told him my name. It was only for a fleeting moment. No pictures, no autographs. I wouldn't say I really got to know Jamie. The other guys, I did get to talk to.

Jason Bateman: Star of Arrested Developement, Jason Bateman is a familiar face for Television buffs. He came to the party like everyone else. No security, no taste testers. If I didn't know his face I would have thought he was just another guest. Jason spent most of his time at the soda table, from which he must have grabed about seven huge cups of Coca-Cola. The rest of the time he was in some long in-depth conversation with another guest. I got one of them.

I approached Jason pretty quickly after he arrived, but came back for more later. I told him my name, shook his hand, and went on to ask for advice for my role in the play. Hey, this guy gets paid to act, he must have some good stuff. He asks me what I want advice on, the acting or the poker. I said I was pretty much set on the game, I am a pretty lucky guy. Jason suggested I should write my lines on the cards and just read them off on stage. I was outraged. What if I picked up the wrong card? They are getting shuffled by the other cast members. What if when Oscar was talking about how he was inviting the girls up for the night I read my line at the end of the first act: "If you need anything, call me." That would be bad. Very bad.

That's when who looked like Jason's date told me I reminded her of him. Pretty cool, huh?

Chris Cooper: Chris Cooper, another Oscar winner, is one of those guys who everyone knows but not everyone remembers his name. I'll try to refresh your memories. He was the dad in October Sky, the horse trainer in Seabiscuit, and Conclin in The Bourne Identity. He's also starred in The Patriot, Jarhead, Syriana, and many other movies.

Chris spent most of the time under the shade looking at the pool, and just like Jason blended in very well. I got to talk to him for a long time too, and he encouraged me in my pursuits in Hollywood. A very classy guy.

Jeremy Piven: Jeremy Piven, a recent Emmy winner stood out not by his guards, but the way he looked. A real slick character, I remember Jeremy from his role as the gay clothes salesman in Rush Hour 2. He's also appeared in Old School, Cars, and many other movies. I got to talk to Jeremy for a while as well, but unlike Chris and Jason, he actually gave me serious advice about the play. Jeremy suggested a very natural aproach to playing my character. I was glad for the help. My brother Robby asked him who the best actor he ever worked with was. He told us about Will Ferrell, Robert De Niro, Al Pacino and many others.

Overall, my night chilling with Jamie, Jason, Chris, and Jeremy was pretty cool. Jennifer Garner is also in the movie, (as Chambers pointed out) but finished all of her filming in Arizona. Most of the movie was filmed there and the filmmakers only plan to stay in Abu Dhabi for about a week. I'm glad to post about my experiances with the actors, and hope many other future posts can be about similar topics.

The Post

2006-09-17T11:39:00.000+04:00

I've been getting some comments. People want me to post. I don't know when I'll be getting the internet, so it took me a while. So long in fact, that Chambers is giving me death threats. I've been living in the Middle East for three months and the only death threat I get is from Chambers. Shame.

I've decided that since this may be my only post for some time, it might as well be good. I've decided not to post about things either everyone knows about or that noone cares about. For example, I won't post about the fact that Steve Irwin is dead or that I got a new haircut or that I've watched about 87 hours of 24.

I need to answer some questions. Chambers asks: "did you go to the [Burj Al Arab]?"

Answer: Yes. I've been to Dubai twice, and visited both the Burj Al Arab and the waterpark right next door. I stayed in the Jumeriah Emirates Towers, another famous hotel. (above).

I landed a role in Neil Simon's The Odd Couple, as one of Felix and Oscar's good friends, Roy. Should be pretty good stuff.

Speaking of acting, tonight I'm set to meet a very famous someone, who's over here filming his new movie, The Kingdom. Look it up on IMDB and see who it is. I'll post if I get to talk to him. Chances look pretty good that I'll get to exchange at least some smalltalk. He'll be at a party I'm attending tonight.

I hope to post again soon.

45 Posts, 5 Emmys, and 1000 Views

2006-08-31T09:43:00.000+04:00

It's time to celebrate a great victory in Hollywood for 24, which won five of the 12 Emmys it was nominated for including Best Drama and Lead Actor.

(Kiefer Sutherland collects his award)

This has been the fifth year for both nominations, but also the first victory. Being in Abu Dhabi at my new home, the Emmys were not available, but I did watch the third season of 24. Three down, one to go. 72 hours since I got to Abu Dhabi. 72! That's three seasons! I just finished Season 3 last night.

My channel box came one day late. One day! Reading about it in the paper, the night sounded unmissable. Conan O'Brien pasting himself in 24 scenes. Two of my favorite things: Irish redheaded Catholic people and 24, all in one. If anyone knows, I'd like to hear which scenes he did.

The only dissapointment was Steve Carrell losing to Monk. The Office is the absolute funniest show on TV, largely due to Carrell and co-star Rainn Wilson. Shame they didn't come home with gold.

BLOG NEWS

1,000 VIEWS!

I'm finally able to celebrate my thousanth profile view, which has been a long time coming. Waldo joins the 1000 club! I won't be expecting any new members soon. That means you Bobby M! But hey, maybe you could surprise me. The more the merrier.

More Astonishing Blog News

2006-08-28T09:47:00.000+04:00

Wally...the name itself reminds us of the UK, the things that hold up the ceilings, and that weird guy on Leave it to Beaver. It only lasted a short time, but it was good. Now it's time to move on.

Why, you ask? The main reason that I changed back to Waldo was that I need everyone to know that I am in fact named Waldo, rather than some silly gimic based on a kid's book. I don't want any strangers to think I'm just a phsycho. I'm really Waldo. I also want everyone to know that this change has nothing to do with Michard, although I do thank you for your suggestions. For anyone who's paying attention, my favorite book is still "Where's Wally?" and will remain so as a kind or painful reminder.

The other blog news is a new feature on the links list. I was made known to the fact that Michard is posting again, and within seconds his link was a healthy new addition to my sidebar.

I apologize about the lack of picures on my latest two posts. I'm posting from a Mac, so give me a break!

-Waldo

WALLY!

2006-08-23T10:59:00.000+04:00

Why, great scot! I've changed my name to Wally!

Blog News

2006-08-18T15:14:00.000+04:00

Everyone needs to know that the "Happy Birthday, Abu Yahya" post was pulled because Abu Yahya didn't want anyone to know how old he is. For those of you who don't want to accept this, vent your anger. Blame it on the FCC or Censorship or something like that.

LEARN SOME ARABIC
For those you feeling adventurous and who just love learning, try looking up what "Abu Yahya" means in Arabic.

BLOG CLOCK UNDERGOES A REVOLUTIONARY CHANGE!
My blog has overcome its jet lag as it officially changes from Pacific US time to Dubai/United Arab Emirates time. This means all of your comments as well as my posts will display a clock nine or ten hours ahead of when it actually happened! As you celebrate the greatest blog event since foundation of blogs, eat some cake or something. I, however, am on a diet.

On the subject of blog jet lag, one might ask about me. Don't worry. I never get jet lag.

Now for some even more astonishing blog news!

WHERE'S...WALLY?!
When corousing a bookstore in Dublin, I was knocked off my feet by a remarkable truth. Waldo books in Ireland and the UK are called Wally books. Don't believe me? Here's the proof.

Ha ha! Gotcha now. Last time you don't believe me, huh? It only gets better.

Not only is Wally different in the UK, he's also completely cool!

There was also a terrorist plot uncovered recently in the UK. Sounds like a diehard "Waldo" fan to me.

Too Much To Say

2006-07-25T10:51:00.000+04:00

I'm back online. I've been living here in Abu Dhabi for almost a month, but was unable to use the internet due to budget problems. There is way too much to say.

IRELAND

Ireland was a great time, I visited my great-grandmother in Dublin as well as my cousin in the town of Clifden in Connemarra, Galway. We drove across the country in a rental VW Bus, just like the one Edgar Smorrison lives in or the one in Cars. (I need to see that movie.) There was lots of Guinness and I only threw up once.

As an Irish person, a trip to Ireland is very meaningful and exciting. I've previously on this blog expressed a taste for Irish women. Did I check them out? Some of them. Did they check me out? All of them. I was also glad to catch up with my family. I have to recommend Kingston House Bed and Breakfast for all tourists to Clifden. I can possibly put up more of my own pictures in the future.

ABU DHABI

Abu Dhabi is a wonderful place with a rich culture and great experiances. It's completely modern, but still has hints of the ancient peoples who live here. It's a place where the east meets the west, where the new meets the old. I can still enjoy malls and swimming pools and bowling and movie theaters, which I do. The only problem is the heat. It is much much hotter here than any American could possibly even imagine. The air conditioning is thankfully top-rate. The sun is directly above this part of the world, so there's never even a cloud in the sky. The humidity is also unbearable.

I'm actually posting from Dubai. It's a very interesting city. The Wild Wadi waterpark was a real treat, and the Burj Al Arab hotel is as cool as cool. I can get free internet from the Dubai School of Government. It's only about an hour away from Abu Dhabi.

ITALY WON THE WORLD CUP

Yay! I watched some of the matches and was rooting for Italy.

MOVIES

King Kong, Benchwarmers, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest, High Anxiety, Season 1 of 24. I saw a lot since I last posted. Kong was good but way too long and inconsistant. Jack Black's worst performance to date. Benchwarmers? Funny but not really a great movie. Perfect for airplanes. I saw Pirates here at the movie theater in the Abu Dhabi Mall. I was really impressed. Even better than the first one. High Anxiety is a Mel Brooks movie about Hitchcock and is really boring. I saw the whole first season of 24, which I rented from the US Embassy in Abu Dhabi. It's a great season, lots of twists and lots of action. The absolute coolest character is George Mason.

MIDDLE EAST CRISIS

There's a crisis going on here in the Middle East. Luckily I'm completely out of the way, Abu Dhabi is a long distance from Beirut. We'll all keep on praying for the victims and hoping for peace.

WALDO AWARDS

Going on hold for right now. I can say this much: The blogging MVP right now is JVarn. He's proved the be a dedicated and thoughtfull poster. JaGuns is the latest addition to my links list. She's my sister, although I know her password and wrote half of her posts.

I'm happy to be back online and look foward to posting soon! Goodbye from the Middle East!

Life Update

2006-07-01T04:11:00.000+04:00

I'm writing from the Hampton Inn, so I want to keep it short. Basically, tomorrow I'm leaving for Ireland. Check my profile to see where I'm currently living. I haven't posted all week, as I've been living in Holiday Inn and Hampton Inn. I'm sorry to leave the Waldo Awards at a standstill, but I won't have internet for the first couple weeks in Abu Dhabi, or in Ireland. I do plan to update with many pictures when I can. The camp was great, I directed and acted in the skit presented to the children's parents. It was quite an honor. Ironically, my acting part was as the director. I know it is not normal for me to leave my blog for so long, but my life is going through a lively couple weeks. As is my hair.

-Waldo J. Cartridge, celebrating my 40th post.

Updates: My Life

2006-06-24T18:10:00.000+04:00

Enough about entertainment for a second, let's hear about something everyone wants to know about...ME! My life. I have a few good things to say, so listen up.

(Book about someone else's life.)

HAIRCUT

I got a new haircut yesterday. Say goodbye to those sexy red locks, I'm riding short! I got it at Dick's Barbership, the greatest barber shop this side of the equator. My sideburns are gone. No more Dan Ayrord look-aliking. But I do look a tad bit like a soldier, and that's always a good thing. I've always heard women like men in uniform...is the hair part of the uniform? It's also recently been decided that my hair is much better than Bobby M! My hair rules!

ABU DHABI

It's exactly a week now until I depart for Abu Dhabi. En route, I'll stop in Boston, Amsterdam, and Ireland, where my ancestry hails from. You see, I have lots of Irish Pride. I got the red locks and the green ties and sweaters. My great-grandmother's house is the hot spot in the city of Dublin, mostly because my great-grandmother lives there. I'm sure it will be an excellent visit and I'll get back on track to Abu Dhabi right away. Since it's such an excellent route, I decided to make this map in "Microsoft Paint." It kind of reminds me of those Indiana Jones movies.

Came out a little fuzzy. Oh well.

CAMP

I'm now the conseller at a kids camp! Yes!

MOVIES

I saw Nacho Libre the other day and had mixed feelings. While I thought it was a good film, I think it's definitely worth waiting to see on video. Jack Black was back, and much as expected, the best scenes in the film where when he did some singing.

Speaking of waiting to see on video, I rented Kung Fu Hustle last night, which was definitely worth it. A hilarious movie with tons of laughs and tons of action, Hustle stars and is directed by young filmmaker Stephen Chow, who has some pretty wierd ideas about what's normal and what's not. I saw the film with long time friend Zhou Ling Chen, of Orient Under Warrant: The Blog. Zhou is a scholar of Chinese culture and literature and was deeply moved by some of the zen and buddhism present in the film. I highly recommend Kung Fu Hustle to any of you out there who like laughing and seeing people with axes getting their ass kicked. Excellent!

Honorary Achievement Awards

2006-06-21T18:23:00.000+04:00

First I'm going to start us off with a couple Honorary Achievement Awards which don't require voting. So sit back and enjoy the achievement.

GOOD SAMARITAN

The first award for Good Citizenship goes to Ken Jennings of Jeopardy fame. Jennings won over 2 million dollars on the show, the biggest winner in Jeopardy history, including Sean Connery. But it wasn't the amount that earned Ken this award, it was what he did with it. Ken Tithed. What do you do every week after earning a beefy paycheck? Tithe. What is your obligation to the church? Tithing. What is the age-old custom that has long gone out of style? Tithing. It is true, there are few in Hollywood anymore that tithe. But this book-smart geek straight from Normalland USA gave 10% of his jackpot to his own Mormon Church. Wow, Ken! That's over $200,000! A well earned good citizen award, given to a man who knows no greed.

THE BEST FILM OF 2005

In 2004 I saw 9 films in theaters. In 2005 I only saw 2. So I have to admit, I'm not qualified to name nominees I haven't seen. So I might as well go ahead and just give it to Narnia.

For those of you who haven't seen the film, it's about four young siblings who find a way into a magical parallel universe, where beavers talk and Jesus goes by the name of "Aslan." Battling against never-ending snowstorms and evil witches, the family must help Aslan restore good to Narnia.

Narnia is also known for it's parallels to mythology, the bible, and the World War II it's set in, and works on multiple levels. It's based on the series of books written by scholar C.S. Lewis. (Which I also highly recommend.) Good reviews and hardcore fans boosted the film to immediate success. However, it was snubbed at the Oscars in favor of gay cowboy flicks!

Since Hollywood big macs refuse to give cred where it's due, it is my responsibility as Chairman of The Waldo Awards to ensure it wins at least something. Now I just have to get my nephew a role in the sequels...

Congratulations to both winners!

Waldo Awards Season

2006-06-18T04:26:00.000+04:00

Yes, it's that time of year again. Time for more...WALDO AWARDS! The most prized prize in Hollywood, many respect the true honor that the Waldo is. Only those who truely achieved have succeeded with the Waldo. Only the real gifted, those who mean something, those who are something. Those who are great. And those are few. So sit back, and be ready to vote. Rememer, Waldo Awards are chosen from a select panel of judges that may include Edgar Smorrison, JVarn, Zhou Ling Chen, Antonio Frederick Worthington, R. Guns, Fidel Giamatti, Josef Guttenhiemer, and maybe even Big Lee. So be ready to comment. We need you to choose the best. Only the best. WALDO WANTS YOU!

CELEBRATE!

2006-06-13T06:11:00.000+04:00

I know Blogspot didn't allow me any pictures last post, so it was most certainly a long and difficult read. This post is a picture follow-up, so make sure you read about my easy and expected victory first. Deal?

PERSECUTION:

LIES:

HYPOCRISY:

THE GUARDIAN OF TRUTH AND JUSTICE IN THE GALAXY:

Okay, okay, so I beat Booby M. But come on, did anyone think I wouldn't?
Yeah, I made that myself. Don't I deserve a bit of fun?

An Easy And Expected Victory? It Was Still Fun Anyway.

2006-06-13T05:41:00.000+04:00

Well, your host has won yet another arguement, this one not too intellectually stimulating. It was more of a bye than a win. I defeated "Booby M" (real name Bobby, nickname Booby) of Big Lee's blog on a one-sided debate about the Leonardo Code. So one sided in fact, that some people though the Church hired him to make Dan Brown look like an idiot. It was compared to this man, Jack Bauer, beating a terrorist without a nametag to a pulp. I won with an incredible margin of FACTS to NO FACTS and KNOWLEDGE to NO KNOWLEDGE and STRAIGHTFOWARDNESS to HYPOCRISY. This is all coming from Booby, a man who thought man never landed on the moon, Tupac is still alive, and Dane Cook is funny. Look at some of these bad boy facts:

Dead Sea Scrolls were early Christian documents:WRONG! They never even mentioned the name of Jesus. They were written by Jews.

Leonardo belonged to the Priory of Sion:WRONG! The Priory of Sion began in France in 1956.

Da Vinci was Leonardo's name:WRONG! It means of Vinci, the town he was born in.

Opus Dei has monks:WRONG! It's for lay people.

Jesus's works were recorded by thousands of followers:WRONG! He didn't even have thousands of followers, let alone literate ones.

Jesus wasn't devine until the Council of Nicea:WRONG! Writings about Jesus mentioned him as God from the early fourth century at latest.

Dead Sea Scrolls were found in the 1950s:WRONG! They were found in 1947.

Mary Magdelene was in the House of Benjamin:WRONG! And even if she was, this still wouldn't make her a descendant of David, or royal at all.

And that wasn't all. I also crushed him with a list of Dan Brown like persecution.

Jesus Christ, Church founder: Was scourged and crucified by the Romans just for preaching peace.

St Peter, first Pope: Was crucified upside down in Rome just for preaching Jesus's message.

St. Paul, Doctor of the Church: Was beheaded in Rome by the government, they wanted to crucify him but could not because he was a Roman citizen. Such a cruel and sadistic punishment was not allowed for other countrymen.

St. Stephen, first martyr: Was stoned to death by the Jewish Pharisees, just for following Jesus.

St. Bartholomew, Apostale: Skinned alive by the Armenians for teaching about Jesus.

All of the Apostales were martyred (killed) in cruel and unusual ways except St. John. John was attempted to be killed by being burned in a pot of boiling liquid but miraculously survived.

St. Maximillion Kolbe: Gased to death in the Houlocaust at a Nazi Concentration Camp. He just visited the prisoners to pray with them, but volunteered his own life in place of a Jewish family.

St. Joan Of Arc: Burned to the stake because she claimed an angel had visited her.

These are just some examples of what people like Dan Brown have tried to do to our church, but have all failed. They can kill us, persecute us, and torture us, but they cannot change what we believe. It is interesting to note that in a church constantly persecuted, martyrdom is the ultimate honor.

Meanwhile, Booby didn't respond to my comments, never read any non-fictional material, and claimed victory TWICE before I even had a chance to comment! Ah! And I thought Dan Brown was an annoying, uninformed pain in the ass!

He also didn't know what a fact was. He said dates were opinions! And he didn't know what hypocrisy was either. I gave him some examples.

"You say one thing, and you do another. For example, saying that I need a history lesson.You also said that you believed in what the Da Vinci Code says, then said that it was too ridiculous to believe. Or it might have been the other way around. It has changed several times.You said I had a closed mind, and have never consulted a source other than the Da Vinci Code.You said I needed to be more tolerant, and insulted 2 billion people just because of what they believe.You said that Dan Brown got his facts straight, then said the Code was too ridiculous to believe, then said that dates were opinion.Who's keeping track here? Well, I said you were a hypacrit, then proved it with fact."

Wowie! I'm sorry you all have to hear this. For more please read the comments on my and big lee's blog. And yes, I'm actually telling you it's okay to go there! I'm sure you won't fall for anything!

So yes, I'm sorry I put you through all this, and yes, there is a moral. While silly persecuters come up with ridiculus arguements and claim victory after being wrong, it's just how Jesus predicted. He said that we would be the most persecuted religion ever, and we are. Can you imagine if Dan Brown wrote a book insulting the Jews, Muslims, or any other church? We're the safest target for angry people like Booby. And that just might be a good thing. While he persecutes us, he doesn't realize he can never win. Martyrdom is the highest honor in our church. We can always win. It's kind of interesting, but I find his weak and ridiculous arguements have made me all the better for it. Not only do I enjoy giving him a solid thrashing, but in a church where martyrdom is honored and persecution is guarenteed, I think it's helping me out. So persecute all you want. Do your worst (it's not that bad anyway). I'll win in the end, and I'll be all the stronger for it.

PEACE TO ALL THE WORLD, AND I PRAY FOR FREEDOM FROM PERSECUTION FOR ALL! WE WILL ALWAYS WIN. FOR ALL PEOPLE OF ALL CULTURES, RACES, AND RELIGIONS, FACTS ARE FACTS AND THEY ARE THE SAME FOR EVERYONE! PERSECUTION IS PERSECUTION, WHICH IS ALSO THE SAME FOR EVERYONE! AND KNOWING THAT, WE WILL ALWAYS WIN!

Nerd Squad-6-9-2006

2006-06-10T06:20:00.001+04:00

We have a few things to take care of this afternoon. Four, if I count correctly. We'll deal with them in an orderly, quick and clean manner. Shall we?

6/6/06!

I bet thousands of bloggers posted about the fact that the date was 666 the other day, and I pride my originality so won't spend too long. Think about it this way: historians think that our yearly calender was screwed up. They think Jesus was born in around 6BC. So this isn't really '06, or at least according to Jesus. Also, Caeser changed our months and days, so that isn't really 6/6 either. Use this as a chance to brush up on your bible. Read the book of the Apocalypse, written by St. John the Evangelist before even his Gospel was written. None of this Code nonsense. Read the real deal. I did.

The picture is of St. Michael the Archangel throwing Satan into the fires of hell, which St. John saw when transported into the future. This is when the antichrist comes, traditionally bearing the number 666 as his symbol. Don't worry. We win in the end.

The next matter of business is something else that thousands must have blogged about: the murder of this man. Abu Musab al-Zarqari, al-Queda leader in Iraq, and a man just as wanted as Osama bin Laden. The price on both heads was the same: $25 Million. Al-Zarqawi was believed to have personally beheaded at least two American hostages, as pictured behind one of the masks above. You can see him without the mask to the left. It is my belief that al-Zarqawi was the most evil man in the world, much worse than any other terrorist in recent years. He killed hundreds of innocent people in a discrimination-based insurgency. And he did it all in the name of God. What an amazing breakthrough to have this devil of a man taken care of. Sent to a much worse place where he can find out what it's like to have men in masks cut your head off on live TV. Say high to St. Michael for me, Abu.

We have even more good news this afternoon, happy to welcome two new bloggers! Not one, but two. My old friend I met on vacation, Zhou Ling Chen, has set up a mystery of a blog, which is honorable at it's worst. Look for Zhou in the links list, or at www.orientunderwarrant.blogspot.com.

And last but not least comes my friend from Church and Golf, JVarn, J-Vizzle to pals, and one smoke of a freestyle rapper. Look for him in the links list or at and appropriate www.jvarn.blogspot.com.

Good luck to both new additions to the blogging community!

The Hair in Wallace and Gromit

2006-06-05T01:25:00.000+04:00

I just added a new DVD to my collection this morning, a fun filled flick fest featuring all three classic Wallace and Gromit shorts. This includes "The Wrong Trousers," "A Grand Day Out," and "A Close Shave."

We all know that W&G is great because it matches up Gromit with worthy opponents in a WWE style head-to-head, (and also because it is hilarious, high quality filmmaking) but there are other reasons.

Grom v. Feathers.

This brings us back to a recurring Waldo theme:

HAIR

Hair makes the world go round. There's definitely a HARE in the new film, The Curse of The Were-Rabbit, but there is also HAIR. (Haha...get it?) While Wallace has none and Gromit has fleas, check out the sweet clay locks on these bad boys:

Lord Victor Quartermaine: Anyone would be a fool to hair-off verse this king of cool. Only problem?: He cheats. We all know Vixta' wears a false tupee, and is really as bald as Wallace, or even my Uncle Robby.

The true nature of Vixta's Hair is unmasked.

Since Blogspot often does not like to cooperate and leaves me stiffed for pics, I am renaming this post: The Hair in Wallace and Gromit-Installment I. This way there will be plenty of room for more later.

Rocky Road for The Da Vinci Code

2006-05-31T04:18:00.000+04:00

Well, as if I had spoken too soon, the Code is up to no good. And this time, there's reason to celebrate.

The critics hated the Code. And here I was, this poor guy with liberal media conspiracy theories up to his eyebrows, figuring of course they'll like it, they hate Jesus.

But as the Code unfolds, as this pic from Google Images clearly illustrates, things turned out quite differently. It was a bad movie. No matter what it said, who it hated (Jesus), who was in it (Hanks), it was still a bad movie. Hence the equation:

Tom Hanks+Ron HowardxDan Brown-Jesus=A BAD MOVIE!

Come on you guys. This isn't Calculus. A movies website recently posted reviews at 6% good. OUCH! And yes, it did get some good reviews. Roger Ebert and Richard Roeper liked it. The New York Daily Post liked it. Let me jog some memories.

Roger Ebert. Yeah, that's that fat guy who sits on the sofa and does nothing. The guy who danced on the grave of Gene Siskiel.

Richard Roeper. Yeah, I know him, that's that guy who sits next to Roger Ebert. He said that every American over the age of 12 should see Farenhiet 9/11 in theaters.

The New York Daily Post. Oh yeah, this is my favorite part. These are the bozos who back in 2004 said that The Passion of the Christ was anti-semetic. They started the whole thing. This paper! I swear! You can tell they really do hate Jesus.

Next matter of business. Ian McKellen, a favorite actor of mine who happens to be openly gay, has let me down. Ian got mad at Catholics because of our requests for a "fiction disclaimer" at the beginning of the film, and called for a fiction disclaimer at the beginning of the bible. He just successfully poured a middle eastern country worth of oil on an already heated fire.

THE WON'T LET ME PUT ON ANY MORE PICTURES AGAIN! NOOOOO!

Oh well, I'll finish it now.

Next business: Albinos. An albino culture group got mad at the code. They claimed that there's too many evil albinos in movies, from that guy in the jail in Princess Bride to the dreadlocked freaky twins in Matrix Reloaded. So it's not just Catholics...I also want to raise another point, this time involving our fine friend Ian. Maybe the code is anti-gay. They cast a gay person as the bad guy...WHOOPS! I just spoiled the end for everyone at home! Oh well. No point in reading the book now.

Next business: Leonardo. Just a thought, but does anyone else realize that Dan Brown made a mistake in the title of his book? Any Italian or art scholar knows "da Vinci" is not Leonardo's name but the town he is from. It's like calling me "of California." Da Vinci means "of Vinci."

Next business: The Box Office. The Code is hurting here too! X3 has already made more. Code brought home an astounding 77 million on opening weekend, the thirteenth most ever. But X has a record-breaking 120, warping the Memorial Day record and a total FOURTH on the all-time list. Not bad you guys. And even after Singer left as director.

24 Finale

2006-05-24T05:07:00.000+04:00

+
-

=

to
!

The 24 Finale was intense this Monday. It marked the death of Vladmir Bierko and Christopher Henderson, two terrorist big macs, all before the first commercial brake. Wow. President Charles Logan was FINALLY arrested, and much to the smiling faces of First Lady Martha Logan and Mike Novick, the good guys won in the end.
Or at least near the end. The ultimate twist of the season happened in its last two minutes, when Jack Bauer was captured by none other than the honorable nation of China. Why would China hate Jack? A relieble Culture that spawned the likes of Tommy Chong and Moa Zendong, I certainly don't see how this happened. Maybe they'll knock some sense into Jack. Either way, they're probably bringing him here:

I'll have to wait until next season to find out what happens. January 2007. Unfortunately for me, I'll be in Abu Dhabi, and may miss the action. I suppose I could always try to position my satalite, and possibly pick up some Jack in the late hours of the night.

Since I borrowed this equation technique from Edgar "Scanman" Morrison, I would like to remind everybody to visi his blog, which can be found in the links list, "sweet spots."

Plagerism

2006-05-23T01:20:00.000+04:00

After several recent charges of plagerism on the likes of Big Lee and Fidel Giamatti, I've decided to put myself in the absolute clear. I would like to thank Google Images. Through Google, I was able to post pics from Paul Giamatti, to George Clooney, from 3 Six Mafia, to bad hair, from the Oscar, to Abu Dhabi. Thanks Google guys. We've worked splendidly together. I'm glad to give credit where credit is due.

GOOGLE IMAGES IS ILL YO!

Check out this freestyle rap:

"Google Images is ill, dawg it's in the mix,
That's where I go for my blog, to get my kick ass pics!"

Rob Gun

2006-05-22T23:58:00.000+04:00

It seems my blogging influence is spreading, as I now am pleased to announce a new member of the blogging community. Rob Gun (fashizzle) of www.robgunblog.blogspot.com is a good friend of mine, as well as a pretty ghet ally, useful on today's street. The two of us are quiet the dynamic duo when it comes to freestyle rap.

You can't stop him in his Air Force Ones.

The Time 100

2006-05-18T00:58:00.000+04:00

This may well be a tad overdue, but as a loyal reader of Time Magazine, it is my duty to analyze their choices.

This year, I was dissapointed. Al Gore, Al Franken, come on, these are just lists of Al's that they like. While last year's list was refreshingly un-celeb dominated, I'm afraid that just isn't the case. Both Best Actress Winner Reese Witherspoon and Best Actor Winner Phillip Seymour Hoffman are on the list, Will Smith is on the list, Puff Daddy is on the list. Or whatever his name is now.

The worst was Dane Cook. He's not funny. At all. Really. Dane Cook is not FUNNY! He lacks the distinctive and unique voices of his comedian peers. Sienfield's whine, George Carlin's high-guy vibe, Paul Giamatti's nosebleed, Owen Wilson's surfer boy. Ben Stiller's geek, Ellen DeGeneres's man-woman, Jack Lemmon's oldness. In place of all these amusing dialects, Cook sounds like he has this cold, this perpetual, never-lifting cold, this cold that goes down and kills your throat, makes millions of audiences hold their necks. And whatever happened to the whole "100 people who shape our world" garbage? Who's world has Cook shaped? How many people in Africa have been influenced by him? How many souls has he touched? ZIPPO!

The one exception that I am really proud of is the inclusion of United Arab Emirates Vice-President, Dubai guy Shiek Mo. Mo's the man. He's been building incredible skyscrapers, man made islands in the shape of the world, and now Earth's tallest building. Under the momentum of Mo, Dubai is now home to one whole THIRD of the world's construction cranes. Thanks Mo. You've turned my new home into a gigantic, adult playground. I think it's fair to say he's certainly accomplished a lot more than Dane Cook.

The End of Hair

2006-05-14T06:56:00.000+04:00

Now that I'm ending my long series of posts on hair, I'd like to consider comments from my pals. This is like American Idol, we actually take into account what you say. Speaking of American Idol, Ryan Seacrest is another guy with pretty bad hair. And another one I thought of later was Donald Trump.

His hair is all fake and wierd colors and tupee. It's like he needs attention and he doesn't know how to get it. And Lindsay Lohan, my stars, she has bad hair. But it's been about 15 colors, so I can't get an up-to-date photo. Shame.

The only problem with this American Idol stuff is that only one person actually voted. Scanman, you just won a barrell full of street cred. We did, however, get some good feedback nonetheless. We learned from Antonio that Princess Liea's hair is great, but she's not cutting it good-looking-wise. And everyone seemed to like Aslan's hair. I disagree with the blogger who said that if he were a man, he would be hot. If Aslan were a man, he'd definitely be Jesus. Bobby M liked all the hair. Typical sissy Bobby M. Conan's hair was well recieved, and Hanks's dissed. Everyone liked redheads.

So after all this, what we really should have gotten out of it is not to diss TH or pray to Aslan at night. Not to dream of Liea and forget the 5th of November. What I want from you guys is simple. Next time you're walking down the street and you see hair, think about it differently than in the past. Not too much to ask, I hope.

I would also like to take this time to announce that I finally figured out how to put your Blog Buddies on the sidebar. Check them out, in alphabetical order and everything.

More On Hair

2006-05-11T00:50:00.000+04:00

For those of you who read my latest hair update, I promised more. Well, I'm not the kind of man who gives up on a promise. More of the worst:

I'm sorry, wizard fans but the hair on Harry's best friend, Ron "poser" Weasley are growing proof that the devil can hit even Waldo-style orange locks. This shame of a hair-day gives a bad name to wizards, redheads, the English, kids, Western Civilization, and all humanity in general.

And last but not least comes this ridiculous display of feminitity that calls itself Tom Hanks. Yep. Code is bad. Hanks is worse.

Oh, and if manes count, add this to the good list.

I would also encourage others to follow Scanman's footprints and vote for the best and worse. We can make hair into a game. And if we can make something as serious as Hair into a game, we can make anything into a game! So long for now. See you late-hair.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GEORGE!

2006-05-08T00:55:00.000+04:00

As Saturday May 6th was the birthdate of George "stolen Oscar" Clooney, it's about time I say something nice about him. We can be civil here at the WaldoFiles. So I decided to do good and give cred to those who do good.

George did good the other day. He's been trying to raise money and aid for the Darfur genocide, and I respect him for that. Good job George!

He also shares a birthday with the greatest filmmaker who ever lived, Orson Welles.

HAIR

2006-05-04T00:54:00.000+04:00

While blogging about Tom Hanks and The Da Vinci Code, the subject of hair came up. I looked back at my profile "random question": describe your hair from your last haircut. I answered, "red-headed and sexy." yes, hair is very important. But you see people with good and bad hair all the time. I've come to realize that hair is most important for fictional characters, who might excell or sink through those long, inspiring, hair close-up shots or character descriptions. Here's the best (and Worst) hair in the movies:

THE BEST:

The best hair of any character of course belongs to Princess Liea of Star Wars fame. Just look at it! It's so great! It also inspired the imaginary girlfriend of millions of 1970s nerds.

This is another guy with pretty cool hair. It has this reggae, Bob Marley dreadlocks look, while being Pirate and stuff at the same time! Not to mention the fact that the new movie is coming out this summer. I don't do advertising on blogs. Very much. Notice I didn't name the character or film.

Two characters with hair, one good, one bad. People who know me can tell which one without thinking. Miles Raymond (Paul Giamatti)'s hair is brilliant. Quite simply, it's so bad, it's good. He has that sweet roundhead look while being geeky, inspiring, thoughtful, and signature Paul. Jack (Thomas Hayden Church)'s hair, on the other hand, is a different story. It makes him look like a little kid! Come on Tom! You can grow better than that!

There's this late night host, an Irish-Catholic guy, who's hair reminds me of myself. Conan O'Brian might not be fictional, but his hair sure is dreamy.

THE WORST:

I feel sorry for poor Natalie Portman. After an outlash of George Lucas's imagination, she was tricked into making her hair some kind of Freak Sideshow Museum. And come on, George, you can't outdo Princess Leia's hair. Stop trying for a repeat. Here at the Waldofiles, we don't allow rip-offs.

It's a real shame when someone makes the list twice, but Natalie's display truely gives all hair a bad rap. The problem here? There's none! There is no hair! What the heck! And Hugo Weaving's locks are no walk in the park either.

We'll be back with the best and worst hair, yet again blogspot has denied me more pictures! Seven's enough tonight, but I was hoping to include Harry Potter and friends, and one last lash out at Tom Hanks from the Code. Untill next time!

GOOD LUCK! 好运!

2006-04-25T22:40:00.000+04:00

It's true. I will lose 50 pounds, make it big in Hollywood, marry an exceptionally attractive Catholic woman, etc. Last night I ate out at a Chinese Restaurant, Chen Yang Li. It was simply delicious. When we recieved our fortune cookies, I grabbed one quickly. You see, I always get excited with fortune cookies, I am a collector of fortune cookie messages. I then saw that one member of our party was without a cookie. I am a generous man, so I volunteered my cookie. Wow. Look at that sacrifice, a true act of charity. A fortune cookie collector who volunteers his own cookie. That was when my dad, who was also eating with us that night, volunteered his to replace mine. Wow. That's a real dad. So when you get a cool message it's one thing, but after an amazing sacrifice and a gift from a real dad, then it's magic. I opened the message and it read:

"Your dream
will come true."

"Lucky Numbers 3, 7, 12, 24, 27, 33"

HOLY COW! Not only does this message bear the magic of sacrifice and real dad, but take a close look at those numbers. They include 3, the traditional "magic" number, and 33, the age of Jesus when he died and ressurected. What a great cookie! This is no ordinary message either. Most sound a little more wisish and long and stuff. This one was succinct, right at me, and clear to the point. My dream will come true.

The Sentinel and The Tub

2006-04-22T18:24:00.000+04:00

Last night, I went to see Kiefer Sutherland's new film, The Sentinel, With blogging buddy "Big Lee", who found himself quite unable to order Regal Cinema's famous "Tub" of popcorn.

Lee was subject to hysterical laughter while an attractive consession stand woman eyed him in disgust. I, quite frankly, don't see what is so funny about the Tub. I can see plenty of things delicious about it, as we refilled the Tub twice. Free refills. Ah.

After seeing the film, I decided to take on a project never attempted before on the Waldo Files: a genuine film review. Buckle your seat belts, it's coming right at you.

WALDO'S TAKE ON THE SENTINEL

The Sentinel, staring Michael Douglas and Kiefer Sutherland, may be an enteraining film, but it's certainly no 24. The casting of Sutherland in a supporting role as Special Agent David Beckenridge may have caused fans to get their hopes up. I would like to tell those fans that Sutherland's role isn't big, and his performance is nothing special. Every scene with Kiefer and a gun is pure magic. Unfortunately, much of the focus is on Douglas, the hero the audience doesn't really want to be a hero. And don't expect Kiefer to wind up together with Desperate Housewife Eva Longoria. IT DOESN'T HAPPEN! I know I was disapointed.

The life-like handling of the Secret Service is interesting to anti-terrorism buffs like myself, and the opening scenes featuring legendary President Ronald Reagen are a treat. I guess the film plays well to conservatives, an uncommon but much-treasured trait for a Hollywood project. The characters, however, are shallow and undeveloped. We all wanted to know more about Beckenridge and Special Agent Pete Garrison (Douglas)'s relationship, and are left wanting more. The ending fight-scene is also very anti-climactical. Oh well. Always room for a sequel.

The Best and Worst of 2006

2006-04-18T00:15:00.000+04:00

As the perceptive film critic I am, I can already predict the Best and Worst films of 2006, a year less than half over. But it's more than predictions. I read the buzz, I know the stories, I can probably already pick for 2007. You don't believe me? Listen up, you soon will.

Let's start with the worst. Did anyone guess? yeah, that's right, The Da Vinci Code. The most anti-Catholic and evil book ever written is about to become the most anti-Catholic and evil film ever made, except possibly Syriana. Publishers, you are lucky George Clooney never wrote a book.

For one thing, the film is sorely mis-cast. Tom Hanks falling in love with Audrey Tatou? That's more than just wrong. I'm pretty sure it's illegal.

Tom Hanks looking like a little rat.

Ha ha. I can so make fun of any picture of this film on IMDB! Too bad I can't paste to this site.
Another dumb thing about this movie is the plot. While it does well pretending to be legitamate, the story is hopelessly incorrect. Opus Dei, I'm pretty sure involves no monks, murders, or mortification. It doesn't even involve priests! HELLO MR. DAN BROWN? Opus Dei is for lay people, in other words, married non-clerical Catholics. And Tom Hanks's character is a joke. Professor of symbols? Who the hell do you think you're kidding? Symbols? There's no such thing as a professor of symbols. And that hair cut is even worse.

Oh, come on Tom. Give Audrey a little space.

E-NOUGH!

Oh my gosh, if I have to look at that hair cut again, I am going to throw up.

The film basically works around the idea of Tom Hanks bumbling around Europe, ruining the world one Catholic Church at a time. This is all while trying to deciper a puzzle. We look back to that first picture of him and just need to tell Tom, "Stop playing with your games Tommy. They said no to Toy Story Three."

Tom Hanks about to take a crap on the roof of the Louvre Museum in Paris

Whoops. I ran out of room on my blog. They aren't letting me paste any more pictures on here. Dang, I was just heating up. To be continued....

20th Post

2006-04-11T01:55:00.000+04:00

This is my 20th post. Ahhh.

For this very special post, I have decided to follow the lead of the influential Big Lee. Trivia!

Who can answer this question?

What famous comedian narrated Thomas the Tank Engine video tapes for much of the 1990s, passing the role on to Alec Baldwin in 1998?

Good luck!

Where's Waldo?

2006-04-09T21:08:00.000+04:00

I have taken the time to announce a brand new blog solely for the purpose of publishing compositions from my memoirs. My remnissances. Or however you spell that. The link is:

That's woodybook.blogspot.com everyone. Please read the compostits. I hope that someday a New York hotshot will buy into my crap and publish it in hardcover under the title: Where's Waldo?

That is a picture of the greatest book ever written, The very Holy Bible. The second greatest book ever written is of course the screenpley to Snakes on a Plane. The worst is The Da Vinci Code.

Celebrity Spotlight On: Chuck Norris

2006-04-06T05:12:00.000+04:00

Since two of my blogging comrades have blogged about Chuck Norris, it's about time I jump on the bandwagon and blog about him too.

While Big Lee and Edgar Morrison have cited many important facts about the star, there are some vital characteristics which were not touched upon. Norris is an infamous Hollywood Conservative, a phenomenon almost unheard of in out times of Liberal Media bias. This is a prime example of how America can and does beat out the media. Although pressed by his Clooney-esque peers into a state of "F-List" or "Z-List" Hollywood, Norris has something of a cult apeal. A following. A fan bonanza. Facts about Norris rage across the internet in a frenzy of kick-ass.

Another "fact" about Chuck Norris not frequently touched upon is his Christianity. Visit the Official Chuck Norris Site for more details.

In an interview with Time magazine that confronted his uncommon Conservative beliefs, Norris quiped, "If I ever found a Democrat I liked, I'd vite for him too." 'At a boy, Chuck!

I would also like to mention that his SUV is not for tree-huggers.

24 Update

2006-04-05T00:07:00.000+04:00

This Monday's episode was intense. The President is a terrorist! How is this possible? If the terrorists listen to the President, are they still considered terrorists? Hmmm. That's a toughie. That may be one for Fidel Giamatti to answer. He proved himself a genius in his denouncing of George Clooney.
Now that the president is a terrorist, there are few the audience can still trust at the White House. Now it's up to Mike Novick, Chief of Staff previously referred to on this blog as "Dick Cheney and Paul Giamatti's love child", to save the day.

I hope those pictures don't come out too fuzzy. Either Mike saves the day, or Jack Bauer blows up the entire country and kicks the president's ass and there are never any problems again.
I just realized something. If the gas is being released in Los Angeles, that means that most of the liberal media's dwelling holes will be destroyed and killed! Wow! Maybe I should start routing for the terrorists. Nah. I have too much Anti-Terrorism in my blood. Plus, George Clooney lives in Italy.

April Fool's Day Asshole of the Year Award

2006-04-01T23:49:00.000+04:00

At this time of the year, April Fool's Day, the Waldo J. Cartridge foundation gives an award to the biggest asshole. This year, the foundation unanimously crowned George Clooney not only the biggest asshole alive today, but also the biggest asshole in the history of the world. In fact, he is such an outstanding asshole that he was decided to epitomise the term asshole, be a perfect textbook definition of asshole, and may be up for disscusion as wikipedia's entry for asshole re-direct. Other names mentioned were Osama Bin Laden, Barbara Streissand, Jane Fonda, Michael Moore, Hilary Clinton, Adolf Hitler, and Satan, but Clooney was chosen as far more of an asshole than any of these. One member of the Waldo Foundation, John Guttenhiemer, is fond of Clooney and voted against the choice, but dots were connected proving he was not eligable for voting. Guttenhiemer is a former Communist party member in the USSR. Hint hint. Wink wink.

George Clooney is such an asshole, I just can't get over it. He is just so damn arrogant it disgusts anyone who has ever met him. In fact, doctors have noticed a GCSPS, or a George Clooney Sparked Puking Syndrome, all across the great state of California. Asshole thinks he can be a smartass about polotics. Son of a gun doesn't even live in the United States! He inhabits a villa in Italy which he bought from John freaking Kerry! And now he's on the news because he sold some stuff from award shows to help the hurricane. I want to make this clear: George Clooney gave absolutely nothing to help the hurricane. He simply gave a basket of worthless crap to a random person who in turn gave money to the hurricane. As Jesus tells us, the greatest gift is not from the person who gives the most money, it is from he who makes the biggest sacrifices. That person is certainly not George Clooney. He was probably going to throw that stuff out anyway. I wouldn't take that Oscar garbage is you paid me!

The Waldo Foundation has decided that next year there will be no Asshole award, as no one could possibly uncrown this year's winner. This is an asshole for the ages.

The First Ever Published Experts From the Chapter One of The Waldo J. Cartridge Book

2006-03-29T06:24:00.000+04:00

All right, I admit, I tried to publish all 65 pages on Wikipedia before. I decided it was a bad idea.

* * * * * *

“What’s your name, young man?”
“I’m Waldo Cartridge, but I get Woody a lot.”
This was actually the truth. I mean, I can’t lie here, I had a certain tendency for lying about my name. All right, all right, I can’t fool you guys. I like to say my name is Matt Damon and a do a little voice for myself there. But hell, I’m here for an interview, I gotta stay clean.

* * * * * *

And so I’m in my apartment’s little first floor fast food. I got myself a lobster roll and it is mighty fine. Ummmm...lobster works for me pretty well. I like the way the juice drips down your chin...ohhh...lobster. And I’m enjoying myself. You know, maybe Reel-Brothers wasn’t the one for me. I mean, everything happens for a reason, which is always a good thing. I guess god just wanted me to screw up again. Or at least, that’s the way it seems. It always ends up in the toilet. Hell, maybe I’m the only one man enough to look into zoo-keeping as a living anyway, but I’m certainly the only one I know who got elephant-no it was rhino-crap all over my new suit.

* * * * * *
And now look what we have, the whole time I’m wasting good snazzy ones on bearded and apron-ed first floor fast food folks, my damn blackberry’s ringing. Now that is a great invention. The blackberry. Man, oh man, do I love my blackberry. I believe it was invented by some hefty Turkish guy. Yeah, that’s right, I read that in a magazine on the toilet waiting at the barbers. (Damn, that sentence had a lot of prepositions, I’m getting slow here.) And, in a matter of speaking, excuse me, manner of speaking, I told you guys I was getting slow, I’m fricen’ addicted to it. That’s right, the big revelation, the confession of the year, I am an addict. But if you knew your blackberry, you’d be an addict too, I swear on the holy blackberry. Seriously, the thing don’t let you go. Blackberry anonymous, that would be a great club. Maybe I should try that on out as a get rich quick scheme.

All for now. Maybe some more later.

24

2006-03-28T03:55:00.000+04:00

I made up a new card game. It's called BlackJackBauer. The players get two cards and try to add their values as close to 24 as possible. If they are over it is called a "bust" and the player is shot above the kneecap and loses. Since it is a peaceful game, we shoot you above the kneecap so you can still walk. The kit goes on sale now, it comes with a labtop computer, a gun, a CTU keycard, Sentox Nerve Gas, and a 24-themed deck of cards. The cards have pictures of characters on them. Jack is a Jack. Bill is an Ace. Chloe is a Queen and Edgar is a king. Lynn McGill is the two of clubs. Audrey is not in the deck because we don't know if she's a terrorist or not yet.

UAE

2006-03-28T02:07:00.001+04:00

Did anyone guess them all? The first picture is of the golf clubhouse in Abu Dhabi, where I will soon be reclining with a Cuban cigar and a tabloid, after a really crappy round of golf. It's in the shape of a falcon, as falconry is a real hot sport over there. There's an annual golf tournament in Abu Dhabi, which Tiger Woods is known to attend every year. I would like to take this time to denounce all blasfemous rumors, no, Tiger Woods is not really my uncle.

The next picture is of "The World." It's a bunch of man-made islands in a ambitious real estate campaign. You buy an island, say Australia or something, and build your dream home. That's the idea. The islands are visible from space.

The next picture is of "the palm." Same idea as the world. Yeah, yeah, big deal. The campaign slogan was, "The palm put Dubai on the map. The world puts the map on Dubai." Pretty slick.

The next picture is of a hotel in Dubai in the shape of a giant boat sail. Very swanky, upscale place. Type of place they only let Waldo J. Cartridge and a few catholic women into.

The last picture is an ariel view of the beautiful city of Abu Dhabi.

Did you guess them all? Good. I can't really give you anything, but you get some pretty dangerous bragging rights.

Abu Dhabi

2006-03-26T20:55:00.000+04:00

Ahh. The beautiful country of the United Arab Emirates. What a wonderful place to live.

I'M MOVING

2006-03-26T03:11:00.001+04:00

It's true. I won't be living at home next year, but I plan to come back the year after that. I can tell anyone more about it at "work" on Monday.

South Park: Guardians of Morality and Quality

2006-03-25T21:34:00.001+04:00

Some of you are probably thinking, how can this loser say South Park is so great. Well, if any of thsoe people have been reading the celebrities columns, they can get where I want you guys to get to. South Park is now a conservatives Hollywood haters best friend.

You guys know Tom Cruise, you know John Travolta. Guys who get gigs not because they are good in films but because they're liberal and moderately attractive. They are also scientologists, the absolute wierdest religon on the planet. It involves aliens coming down to earth, jumping on sofas, and having a hippy follow you around EVERYWHERE in a kind of voluntary stalking. Nothing wrong with that, if that's what you believe. I believe Jesus's blood fills up millions of cups around the world every other hour. Except on Good Friday of course. That's just me. But this guy who voices Chef, a character on the show, quits because Mat Stone and Trey Parker want to make fun of scientology. Then a war against the religon starts on the show. I would like to applaud the war effort. I'm not saying I wouldn't be mad if Catholics got dissed on my show, but this Chef guy has stood around and watched millions of people get dissed up, not saying a peep. Even I can make good natured jokes at my own faith, ask my Jewish friend. We have friendly religious humor.

This week Chef got joined a "Club" on the show, one that turns kids into child molesters. (Hmmm...Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes?) While his friends tell him not to go, he ends up dying. He falls off a cliff, is burned, stabbed, and mauled apart by a bear. His friends then give him a touching ulogy about how it wasn't his fault he "left" them, and that the club was dangerous and tore him right apart. Very nice. Pretty obvious symblism if you ask me.

As a person, I can see how this material is offensive. As a conservative Catholic American media hater, I cheer the show on.

Annie Proulx: The Woman

2006-03-24T01:47:00.000+04:00

This week's entertainment spotlight is on Brokeback Mountain author Annie Proulx. You're probably all thinking, Waldo's a fri'in conservative, how did Brokeback start getting his praise? Is Woody finally coming out of the closet? The answer to those questions is No, no no no. But you're getting close. This week's Time magazine taught me that Proulx can now be considered a hero in the eyes of Hollywood bashers.

In response to her loss on Sunday, Annie had a few words to say to Hollywood bigwigs. I once promised myself never to use words like that in jounalism, I'm sorry, now it's over. She dissed up Crash, letting Paul Haggis know how she felt about it's weak plot and lack of complexity. She dubbed it "Trash". Then she called the Oscars a "small-town talent show night!" Yeah baby! You go girl! After all, in a strong talent show of the like, Paul Giamatti would definitely be worthy of an award. I know, I still haven't even gotten over that one. Then Proulx went on to diss Three 6 Mafia! Wow! When did they get dragged into this one? I love you Annie! It was "artocious!" Go get 'em!

Mafia.

An all around excelent performance, dissing the "dim" crowd of Sunday night biggots. Very good Annie.

24 Update

2006-03-24T01:33:00.000+04:00

Oh my gosh, 24 was intense on Monday. Nobody died, and there was all that Collette and Tao nonsense. I thought this episode was going to be a fun ride, a hiatus from all the intensity last couple weeks. If you don't know what that word means, look it up. But then it all came down to the last five seconds, as Don Cheadle reminds us so well on those beautiful NFL playoffs commercials. AUDREY MIGHT BE BAD! EVIL! NAUGHTY! This screws up everything. If this is true, then I am so taking this as an oppurtuity to blame liberal media. Look what they've done already. David Palmer, everyone's favorite president. Democrat. Charles Logan. Weak boy with Dick Cheney and Paul Giamatti's love child as a chief of staff. Republican. I was overjoyed when I found the show made Audrey and her father GOPs. I should have known it was too good to be true.

Audrey might be a TERRORIST!

This season's real unfortunate victim is nice guy Bill Buchanan, in my humble opinion. Bill got cheated away his job for the SECOND time last Monday. I hope black man hero Curtis Manning (and how perfect a name they picked for his character, really) can Section 112 DOHS. (Department of Homeland Security). That's all for this week, maybe I'll update again later. Monday night. Lots of popcorn.

MARCH DAY

2006-03-22T03:11:00.000+04:00

March 21st, more commonly known as March Day, is the day in which we celebrate the accomplishments and groundbreaking movements of Million Man March. The Rev. Jesse Jackson was the major organizer of the March, and he is recognized above all others for his keen perceptions and sheer courage as he preached messages of peace, acceptance and love throughout the USA.

The Rev. Jesse Jackson

Fidel Giamatti vs. Big Lee Feud

2006-03-18T08:11:00.000+04:00

This feud between two of my tightest buddies is getting out of hand. They used to be as tight as Paul Lennon's new leather pants. Now, a nasty feud. For the record, this is what Fidel Giamatti really looks like.

This is his mother.

Irish in Entertainment

2006-03-18T01:12:00.000+04:00

For the annual St. Patrick's Day Irish in Entertainment Award, there were two individuals we decided to honor.

Brenden Gleeson, an Irish public school teacher turned actor, is the man behind the colorful new Hogwarts professor in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. As his performance was critically acclaimed and certainly a break-out, we agreed unanimously that his contributions were worth recognition.

And of course it goes without saying that Bono stands out among Irish entertainers. 2005-2006 has been a great year for the star, featuring a Time magazine choice as a co-man of the year and a hugely successful night at the Grammies.

St. Patrick's Day

2006-03-18T01:05:00.000+04:00

As a proud Irish-American with sexy red locks, St. Patrick's Day is one of the most important days of the year. I wish everyone a happy St. Patrick's Day! Especially Irish people!

Entertainment Update

2006-03-16T02:12:00.000+04:00

Hey everyone, fans, friends, and just normal people who found this site. In my files I generally like to write updates and news about the best you can find in entertainment. Right now, for me, the best you can get is obvious. Has anyone heard of the thrilling FOX hit primetime series 24? If you haven't, I would best advise you to start hearing about it right now. It's simply a great show with great concept and great acting. It's just great. While I'd love to give it a professional review, the personal entertainment of myself renders all of that impossible. I feel too much joy and connection to the show. I almost cried after the silent clock homage to deceased CTU legend Edgar Stiles. I find it in my duty to get some other people there crying with me, every Monday night.

Nerd Squad: 3.15.2006

2006-03-16T01:50:00.000+04:00

So if anyone thinks since I posted my last that they have earned the rights stated above, they are strongly encouraged to send me a message.

I have some news for today. This is Waldo J. Cartridge, files from the Nerd Squad.

Today at work, I met up with some men who desperately need my assistance. Really. A band by the name of Bombs Away has found me out and recruited myself to write and direct a mockurockudocumentary. In the spirit of This Is Spinal Tap, I have already begun the screenplay. I will continue to update this report if any news comes about under the present subject.

My Wikipedia page (user:Waldo J. Cartridge) has opened to blazing success. While under a state of pure excitement based on the fact that a guest could edit anything, I quickly got to work at adding my name to the cast of any film I could think of. Enthralled that my own name remained on the site, I opened up a new bottle of Pinot Noir, 1953, to celebrate. Unfortunately, I was quite wrong to jump to such ignorant conclusions. I found the next morning that the site captains were disgusted at my acts of "vandalism". I believe they misunderstood, Waldo J. Cartridge doesn't do vandalism or anything of the like. Waldo J. Cartridge is a good Catholic and dang proud. What Waldo J. Cartridge does do is take advantage of advantageous site features and use them to work a mutual benifit, as he very well should. The site presidents were rather pissed at poor Waldo, though he remained quite curteous to them.

Waldo J. Cartridge

2006-03-15T02:44:00.000+04:00

Hello everyone. My name is Waldo J. Cartridge, but my friends call me Woody. Please feel free to earn the privelage to call me Woody.